Hi Jill;=)
I know what you mean with the friend situation. Its sometimes hard if one in the friend relationship take more "space" than the other. As you say, she talks only about herself and her issues now and doesnt listen so much to you which I dont think she does on purpose but rather she just doesnt see herself and notice that she takes all the time in your conversations. She seems to have lots of stress with her own issues now and that can be ok to be the one to listen if she then listens to you when you need it too. If that isnt the case I think you should say in a nice and calm way that you would like for her to listen to you too. She might not even be aware of that she takes all the attention and the only way for you to make her see that is to talk about it.
Then, if she still always "takes your time" and never gives back you have to decide if you want to put your energy on her and accept her for what she is or take a step back and find someone who can be that friend you need.
Hugs,
Anette
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Hej Anette;=) And Hi Jill;=)
ReplyDeleteYou're so right. If a friend talks only about himself / herself and doesn't listen to you, you need to find a REAL friend;=)
It's important to have real friend in your life. Someone who will always be there for you!
Have a lovely day Sweetie;=)
HUGS <3
Hey!
ReplyDeleteYou are right! It's really important to have a real friend , not who will talk just about himself/herself.
Wish you a great day
Love
Ena
Yeah, you absolutly right Anette. With that kind of friend is really hard, because she is selfish and she don't see that! Someone need to tell her that and maybe she will understand. If that don't work, Jill, you need find another friend who will be listen to you!
ReplyDeleteHave a nice day Anette!
Bye,
Mary
Hey Anette!
ReplyDeleteYou make a very good point here. I've been in that kind of situation too (altough, obviously, I don't have any idea about the details), and as a matter of fact the two choices available are the ones you told in your post.
Unfortunately, I had to discover that my only choice was letting her go, because her idea of friendship was asking me for help 24/7 whenever she needed something for herself, and then giving something back just when something of what she gave would be helpful to her too.
After that experience, I found myself being a bit "pessimistic" about people. My idea is that they don't really change, and if a relationship takes a certain road, it can be very hard to move it to something different.
But that's noone's fault. People are just different from each other, and there is a lot of luck involved to make a relationship work.
Good luck Jill, I hope you'll be able to fix this :))
Thank you for answering my other comment :) I saw that on the news, and my feet started aching.
ReplyDeleteI had a pretty rough night last night... I was doing the dishes, and my brother pretty much guilt-tripped me( I HATE it when people do that to me...) over some stupidly-complex stuff going on with his wife.(she's cheating, and I got pulled into the mess, just because I woke up early one morning... and I got goaded into responding to a nasty sneer she made[she shouldn't have been texting my phone calling me a liar, and taken her dirtiness elsewhere]) I've been trying to de-stress ever since. Still so wired that I don't think I CAN sleep, and it's like nearly 5am here.
Hopefully this adrenaline wears off before too long, and I can rest.
Hugs, and all my love,
Falyssa
Everyone says you need to find a true friend! But is there any real friends? And if so, how can I find them? I have 15 years long believed to have a really good friend. We could talk about everything, we could do everything. But a few weeks ago, when I really needed her help, I realized that our friendship was only an illusion.
ReplyDeleteWhy do we notice too late, who is a true friend?
Hii Anette & Jill
ReplyDeleteThough it might be tough, I think Anette is right here.
You deserve someone who listens to you too, and not only to herself.
I hope that you can work it out with her though, friends are so important!
Good luck dear Jill!
Lots of Love, Lisa <3
OMG i just Love emppu So much ...i whant to ask you ...WHY YOU DON"T PUT MORE PICTURES WHIT EMPPU PLSSSSSS...I SO LOVE HIM...WHant to say i whas i'n you're Artmania Concert Emppu don't give any signature or photo or nothing i just OMG i really cry it ! :((( I see them and i say Emppuuuu (verry higt) and he put the head down and she walk ...i whant to ask ...why? I just whant to tell him that i like him and is such a grate guitar player and i love him sooooo much and is evrythink for me!!! But i really cant because he runing :((((crying) Anette i now you're verry sweet and lovely person...you're such a grate and i have a photo with you and me and is in the garte place in my room ! THANK YOU 4THAT...AND PLS PLS PLS PLS IF you what to make 1 video with EMPPU OMG i will verry grateful...and I thank you all my life...PLS means a lot to me!!I just love that guy!Pls Anette just Answer me to this comment...is mean more then alot 4 me!
ReplyDeleteThank you verry much !
With Love Alexandra
PLS Answer me !
I feel so bad right now because all my friends are like this hehehe It's just.. I'm a really gooood listener and everyone comes to talk to me about heir problems.. including my mum and I often have no one to talk to.. just my gf, but sometimes I really miss a good friend..
ReplyDeleteSo.. Jill, I think Anette's right.. If you want to be friends with this person, talk to her, tell her how you feel.. ask her to listen to you.. If she's really your friend, she'll understand.. If she gets mad or something, you're going to have to realize that she's not really a good friend, that she uses you as a free terapist and .. I know this can hurt, but you´ll have to find another friend..
hugs to you both
Hej Anette
ReplyDeletevet du vad?
Du är otroligt snäll. Du hjälper oss mera än du kanske vet själv.
Och jag tycker det är fint att somna till din röst när du sjunger. Enda problemet är att MP3an blir på i så fall... ;)
Krams från Finland!
You're so right! Real friends are important to help, support and listen to you...
ReplyDeleteI hope everything goes well Jill, we all want a friend forever, at least I do, and thought I had one already, but I was wrong. I'm 16 and my "best friend" has a boyfriend and since May she doesn't spend time with me...We were together all the time, always laughing at little things, we had great days, but I don't have those days since she started dating with that boy. When we arrive to school in the morning she doesn't even say 'hi' to me, she only sees her boyfriend...It's sad that I can't call her best friend anymore but we have to think about who is your real friend and who's not. At the end, they will realize what they are doing, Jill. Maybe you should tell her that. It might not work out, I tried to talk about that with my ex-BF but she continues the same way. I don't know what to do anymore. Whatever, I have other friends, and though it still hurts, I don't want a friend that says we are inseparable and then stops being with me because a guy.
Good luck Jill. You will overcome that! ;D
Anette, you always have good words to us =)
Love you <3
HEy Anette
ReplyDeleteAgain, well spoken Anette :)
BTW: SMILE! haaaa i didnt saw you smiling but i hope you did ;) :) <3
A friendship is a constant giving and taking. give emotions, take emotions. give love, take love. A friendship should be a equal sharing of feelings between 2 humans.
You will do the right thing, donnt worry
Happy thoughts to you
Kindest regards dear jill
Chris :)
@Margit:
Life is sometimes like that. its hard and you cant prepare for this situation. There are true friends, but you cant find them by searching (i think you know this, i just wanted to add that;)) I for myself never searched for true friends..and then all of the sudden my dear Martina appeared and turned my life upside down. I had many friends and have many buddys now. and yes, some so called friends let me down in the past, but if they do so. they are not my friends and they never where, its hard to run through such extreme moments. i learned from that, now i only have one true friend. thats the first time i can say that and the first time i feel that i found a true friend! and this ture friend is my Martina, she´s a wonder. a shining light when there is darkness. a smile when there is grief.
WE love and respect each other deeply.
She´s one of the persons in my life i wish never to loose (besides my family)
have a bright day Margit
hope everything is fine
Kindest regards
Chris ;)
Sweet Anette,
ReplyDeletethank you for your attention and reply on this link i shared with you :) You see, both you and Tarja have received a gift from God in different shape, and then, as I told you so many times, people around you can notice if you are enjoying your life or not through this gift. So, we want you to keep your beautiful smile, for so many years, with good music beside you:=**
Thank you for letting us be a part of it and thank you for not keeping this Cinderella experience for yourself only. This really shows you are humble.
Poochie
Tuomas once said that human relations are so difficult and I agree 100% with him.
ReplyDeleteI understand what Jill feels, because sometimes we need someone to listen to us and when we go and try to talk with this one, this person just "take our time" and we have to listen to them and never the opponent.
I think Anette is right and Jill, try to talk with her, there is almost nothing in this world that cannot be resolved with a sweet dialogue.
I'm looking forward to you, Jill. Good lucky!
I know how important are true friends in our lives, so, try to talk with her and don't let your friendship slip away ok?
Love,
Carol
Friendship is really a complicated relationship. Jill I hope you find the best possible solution for your problem ;-)
ReplyDeleteAnette, thanks for the positive thoughts in the previous post, all the best for you too, have a great day. ;-)
Hugs from Brazil
Peace =)
I agree with Anette. Maybe she does have a lot going on right now- but she needs to notice that you do too, and being a friend she should be there to help you with it.
ReplyDeleteI would try to talk to her- but don't sound
like you're accusing her that will only make
worse, but still be open with her.
I'm in high school and people always tell me
this is when I find out who my true friends
are- but to tell you the truth
I still haven't. But I love my friends too
much to be okay with losing them-
which I'm sure that's the reason why you
are afraid of talking with your friend.
I know you don't want to lose her,
but you should try and talk to her.
Good luck and I hope it works out!
Hugs and love, Katie T.
Most of my friends are like this too. That is why, I think, I don't like to be in a group sometimes. I prefer being alone.
ReplyDeleteGood luck to Jill. Friends are sometimes difficult to deal with. But I wish all end up well to all.
Anette, you are awesome. Always wish helpful and beautiful words.
Fábio
Thank you everyone, Anette, thanks :)
ReplyDeleteI'll try to talk with her as soon as I'll meet her because solving problems via instant messaging services is the worst thing ever. Sometimes she is better,she might listen, but most of the time I keep shut because I can't interupt her. But I love her too much, she's like a sister, so I'll try to solve it somehow.
Thanks again :)
Totally agree with what Anette said , I have known this situation many times.
ReplyDeleteHope it all gets sorted for you Jill :)
Amy
Wow...friendships ARE complex. Giving and receiving are not always equal.
ReplyDeleteI haven't read every post here, but did read Anette's response to Jill's situation and agree. I have learned in life (surviving some heavy betrayal and negligence)that acceptance and forgivess helps your soul the most. I've often thought about what attracts people together as friends, lovers and such and why we put up with so much from them.
I've a friend also who seems to be one sided here in Canada. Only getting calls from her when she fights w her hubby and so on, and I think why the heck do I listen her? Blab blab...but then I remember my saturday night drunkeness years ago where on one occasion drank so much, ended up in hosp with alcohol poisoning and who stayed with me the entire night holding the 'bowl' and wiping me down? Stayed with me the entire next day getting me water and helped me bathe. My family was so far away and with only a few friends here, I didn't have anyone else. But she was there and told me she was so worried about me that night and never left my side.
When she calls I cringe sometimes because I know that if I have something I need to talk about it will usually end up about her, but I sigh and listen because she is my friend. Self centred? Yes, she is very...but kind and caring at the most important of times she is the best.
People for the sake of avoiding the massivest of head aches, dehyration and possible death... KNOW when to stop drinking! I rate this experience just under childbirth:#
That happened to me. And I found a real friend later.
ReplyDeleteBut now she's saying that she miss me and I feel bad for this situation
Anyways we're trying to be friends again.
Of course, thank you so much for your words to your readers.
I appreciate the time you take to read our comments.
Best wishes for you :)
Late reply, but whatever... :)
ReplyDeleteGood luck from me too, Jill! I think Anette had some good points here -- it might be that the situation is just temporary and it fixes itself up when time passes, but anyway, honest talking is never underrated; it's the only way to even try to improve the situation but if even that doesn't help, if she doesn't understand your point of view and how you feel, maybe it's better to let her go, as much as it might hurt :/
Human relationships _are_ difficult. What I've learned in these 35 years I've been here is that finding true friends (or love) is all about luck and situations. If you try to search for them, they never come :p An incredible thing happened to me summer '08 -- I found the best friend I've ever had in my life (so good friend that if I "liked" girls, we would be married already *laughs*). Funny thing is that it happened through NW: I had an extra ticket to one gig and I advertized it on the band's forum (first time ever I myself even visited the forum, even if I've been a fan for several years). The person who bought the ticket visited the forum first time ever too, and in addition to that, she didn't even know the band beforehand, so weird as it may sound, for a Finnish person! (Well, she had been abroad for several years, plus working in Lapland in places where there's no internet, no TV, no newspapers, only Swedish radio *laughs* -- so yes, there _are_ still people in Finland who know nothing about NW :p) And, why and how she then had suddenly decided she wants to see this band, a band she knew nothing about and wasn't even really a "fan" yet, back then, is a really funny story too, and not without some, let's put this straight, "mystical" elements! ;) Almost like "someone" had wanted that I and this girl _must_ meet! :D
Anyways, we went to this gig together and from the first moment when I said hello to her and squeezed her hand, I knew that wow -- here's a great person, true and genuine! Took a few beers, talked -- we shared the exact same sense of humor, similar life stories, similar life situation... plus, this girl had a huge van with which we then had a summer of our lives, road tripping around Finland, going to gigs, festivals -- and in this process, we just etched together like with no one before!
I just wanted to share this story because I feel it's a prime example how, even if you've given up hope already to never find a real "soulmate", it can happen right out of the blue! Heh, me and this girl still laugh at the beginning of our friendship, how utterly _weird_ coincidences led to the fact we're "together" now... :)
And to people who laugh that whatta heck you guys who are already over 30 always go to these NW gigs -- shouldn't it be "normal", for the guys of your age, to just see a band once during a tour -- we just say that hey, we owe it to them! ;) ;)
Errata to my post above: honest talking is never _overrated_, not "underrated". Sorry, how embarrasing mistake... :p
ReplyDeleteHi Jill, Hi Anette
ReplyDeleteI agree with Anette.. but I've a friend like this, she was always talking about herself, because her life was a hell at that moment she didn't see that I was feeling really bad too.. So someday I was with her and a started to cry.. she was like: what? what happened?
Because she had her own problems, she didn't saw mine.. but that day she was there for me, she was sorry for the days she wasn't there.
So we talked about it and she promised to be a better friend.. but it was good for one day... After a few months a decided to end the friendship, first I was really sad about it.. but now I see that she wasn't the friend that I needed.
Hugs
Yeah, you're absolutely right.
ReplyDeleteI have been through a situation exactly like this. I tried to give my full support to a person in this state and just forget about me. In the end, because of the grief that I felt was not reciprocated the friendship fell apart. I decided to look for other friends who could hear me.
I make my words your words.
Hi Anette and Jill.
ReplyDeleteJill, I hope everything goes ok from now on with your friend. I also have very bad moments with some of my friends in which I think that I would be better if I had never met them. But I always realize that (and I always try to remember this) they're one of the most important things in my life and if I try to imagine how I would be without them... I get scared. Deep down I know my life would be really hard without them. Those bad moments with them may appear now and then, but they care about us too :)
As I said, hope everything goes just perfect :)