I hope you slept really, really good;=) I did, but we watched a horror movie called After Life with Liam Neeson and Christina Ricci and it was a bit scary and disturbing so it took me some time to fall asleep;=) Just like Halloween should be, a bit scary;=)
Today I want to talk about how some people hide their "right faces". What I mean is people who go around pretending to be nice and kind and playing all sweet and so on to you and you start to trust them and think they mean well to you. You let them into your heart, you are a friend to them and give them your trust and love and maybe even get to be close friends.
Then all of a sudden the person changes and show their real face and can be so mean to you, totally different and saying and doing things you never thought that person could ever do. Hurting you, doing everything you never ever thought this "friend" or close one would do to you. Cause all you saw was a nice person, a person who said they liked you, cared about you, were happy for you and so on. But it wasn't true. It was just a face the person put on to fool you and everyone else around.
Some people are really good at playing to be someone they are not and it can be very hard to see their right faces in time and if you don't, you will end up getting hurt. Cause I believe they can't pretend for so long, lying and acting to be someone you aren't takes its toll and if you walk around pretending to be someone you´re not, the act will fail one day and everyone will see who you really are in the end.
For me, I´ve met these kind of people in my life and its hard to understand how someone can act as if they like you, pretend to be a friend, pretend to the world as if they are all sweet and caring, but deep within themselves, its all an act. And they talk behind your back, laugh at you when you are not there, saying mean things about you and making up lies to others that are not true, to justify themselves and protect their lying "face". Cause they don't want anyone to see their "right face". Then everyone would know that its all an act and they would loose everything they´ve worked so hard to build up for everyone to believe.
But I believe we all will show our right faces at one point, cause if you live your life, pretending to be something you are not, the mask will fall someday and you´ll show your right face. Cause that´s the face that is rightfully yours and no matter how hard you try to hide it, it will show.
So I believe its much better to show your right face, be honest about who you are, say to others what you really feel about them instead of going behind their backs, be true to yourself and who you are. Don't try and be nicer than you are. Don't pretend to be so nice and good if you can't live up to it.
If you don't like someone, then don't pretend as if you do. Cause that person might think you really care and like him/her and when you don't and show your right face, it can crush that person.
Enjoy this day now and be a true friend to your friends;=)
Posts
That reminds me of my former class. All the girls were in one big group ( expect me and my friend) and acted like best friends to each other. Nut when one girls was not there they start to blaspheme about her. That showed me that this "friendship" was nothing worth.I think it is better to have only a few real friends than lots of false friends.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately this made me think of a friendship which ended a few years ago for me. I was friends with a boy who I went to school with when I moved to the town I live in, we became friends when we were 7 years old and were friends for almost 10 years, he was like my other brother to me. Unfortunately he's a backstabbing bastard and got stuck with the wrong crowd, and he, another guy my brother was friends with, and this other guy broke into our house and robbed us while we were out of town. 2 of the boys did pay reparations for what they did, including the boy we were friends with, while the other only caused more trouble for us. To simply cut the crap and get to the point, this guy who I was friends with for nearly 10 years, not only destroyed the friendship by breaking into our home (which feels very violating as you have to go through your possessions to check what's been stolen), but this person and some others have still been causing issues for my family and particularly my older brother. My brother has been harassed by these idiots, another of whom was actually a friend during the time we spent at primary school. Even on one occasion a comment going as far as insulting my Mum because she had breast cancer was made, but worst of all they have vandalised our house and left us feeling unsafe, or we would feel safer if the local law enforcement gave a flying f*ck about doing their f*cking jobs!
ReplyDeleteSorry to be such a downer, but it's some truly f*cked up sh*t! Also quite touchy....
On a lighter note though, I slept the best I had for a while, seems to be the way after a good night's drinking though haha. Awesome night though with awesome people, me and a friend went out with KISS make up on, even had some people sing a KISS song for us while waiting for a cab.
Take care Anette xo :)
Hi dear Anette,
ReplyDeleteI am very touched by your words. But you are so right. It is terrible to trust someone who actually speaks only evil behind you. I do not like such people. But, as you wrote, unfortunately you can not see into people.
I have already experienced this unfortunately. My best friend, that I knew since I was 5 years old, has hurt me after many years and showed her real face. It made me very hurt at that time because I had never thought that she blasphemes about me behind my back. She always knew that I always say the things directly which I don´t like or I do not find correct. Sometimes you should stop and keep your mouth shut and not say some things. But I thought that to a so-called "best friend" you can tell everything. I'll do that never again, I will certainly never trust someone. Something like this hurts.
I'm very sorry that you were hurt. But unfortunately - that's life .. No one can have a look into the other person.
I wish you a nice day and big hugs.
Hello and good morning dear Nettie :)
ReplyDeleteI hope you are ok
I know that feeling. I had the same problem when I was in primary school. My so called "best friend" was all sweet and caring but deep inside was something different. Everything I said to her...she promised to keep it as a secret..but that was just a lie.
And what you say is so true, it is better to show our right face...not to pretend to be someone who we are not.
Better to be hated for being someone who you are rather to be loved for being someone who you are not
Big hugs to you and enyjoy your day :)
Love
Ena :*
Well... that's right. But that mask works pretty good. My parents always thought I was their happy kid, always happy and all. They didn't know the truth, and they didn't find out until the dad of my ex boyfriend told them... sigh...
ReplyDeleteSame thing with me... I actually Do have problems but I try to pretend that everythings fine. That's not good either but I don't want to annoy the people around me with my real personality or problems... What did your parents find out?
DeleteIt was the same thing with me. But, in my case, it was to protect my loved ones. Isn't it the case with you too, Elize and Eva ? That's my feeling when reading you. True, it's a mask, but not to pretend that we love a person.
DeleteYou've the right to have problems, not to feel good. And to speak about that to a close friend or a member of your family. People won't run away. They can listen to you and allow you to see things from another point of view.
Take care...
I believe Anette here was talking about another kind of 'faking'.You're just trying to give your parents what they want.It's okay.I know it's though (mine still haven't found out I cut.It's been 5 years since the first time I did.Go figure),but you weren't doing that because you wanted to be mean to them.Contrary,you did that because you wanted that to be happy and not worry about you.Don't blame yourself!
DeleteBig hugs,and have a nice day!
xx
Same here. Of course there´s a difference between wearing that mask to show others how "happy" you are so they don´t worry about you, and wearing that mask to pretend they love someone.
DeleteMy parents think I´m her happy daughter, they think I don´t have depression anymore, they think I don´t need medication... I tried talking to them. When I was in mental hospital I really tried. But it hurt them so much to know I´m suffering... So I decided to lie to them again, only to protect them. I guess you do the same.
It´s a different kind of pretending. We do it to protect, not to hurt.
I too, like some of you on this "reply line", put on a mask to make your loved ones happy and not to worry about you. I've been doing this for several years and everyone thinks I'm this crazy girl who laughs all the time. But the truth is that I'm not. I can laugh and make jokes when I'm around my friends, but when I'm alone I cry and go into a very deep depression.
DeleteI beat and cut myself because I hate lying to my loved ones.
I've been trying to show my real face to my best friend, but it ends with her being in tears instead. And that makes me even more sad.
I totally agree with @Betty Blue that we really do this to protect and not to hurt.
Hej Anette!
Jag har väl skrivit det mesta i texten ovan. Jag hatar att ljuga för alla, men innerst inne tror jag fortfarande att jag skyddar dem.
Ha en fortsatt bra kväll!
//Ellinor
Hello Anette!
ReplyDeleteI know false friends just too well... The person I have known since childhood(over 15 years)and considered best friend ever turned out to be a... nah, really don't want to swear on your blog :]
The sad part is, I had doubts about him even earlier but I wasn't able to express my anger towards him (mostly because of the anxiety that I might hurt him). And usually I was just so lonely that I needed any person around, any human touch and he was the only one I had... I thought a bad friend is better thanno friend at all...
Anyway, it's good that you posted something on this subject, I can see from the post above mine that, sadly, there are quite a few mean "friends"...
Have a nice day, Anette!
Dear Anette,
ReplyDeleteI am so happy so see/read that you are such a nice person! It is really nice to see that these subjects are very important to you.
But I have a very different question to you and I hope you will answer it, it has nothing to do with this subject. I just want to now..
Do you still have any sort of contact with Tuomas, Emppu, Jukka and Marko? Are you still friends?
Love Jyoti (from Holland)
Good morning Anette!
ReplyDeleteI'm touched by your words because I know this feeling. A few years ago, my best friend showed me her real face, the person she actually was. She found another friend who was exactly like her. And she left me alone. They talked behind my back, laughed at me when I was not there...
Today, I'm studying economics and law at the University. It's my third year. At first, I thought it was an "adult world". But I was wrong. People are so cruel. They criticize everybody, the way they dress or the way they think or express themselves. They always pretend to be nice but now I know who they are. I don't trust them anymore.
I'm sorry to read that you were hurt by those kind of people.
Enjoy your day!
Lots of love.
Emeline.
Sure ... Anette, in the world, there are many people toxic, not just for show something that is not ... there is also the emotional manipulation and blackmail ... many people use it to achieve their aims
ReplyDeleteSo I think it's best to remove any link with these people once they know the truth about them
in the world there are selfish, they just look for its own interests ... Luckily not everyone is like that ...
I also think that these people play an important role in our lives, because the true "masters" in our evolution are such people that make us mature to put ourselves in difficult situations (although never pleasant)
I've broken friendships with people I knew for over 10 years! nor is any trauma ... too often we are afraid to release us from situations or people we do not do well, may be for routines, or because we are faithful to friends ...
We all make mistakes and we do things wrong, friends can be forgiven many things, but something else, is someone who just wants to manipulate you for their own benefit only
regards
Not so much people show their right face, it's hard for me to trust people as I've met a lot of fake people too, who pretend to be someone else, or who is acting diffently when that person is with someone else. I don't have a lot of friends because of this, I prefer to keep the best ones, the friends I trust, and believe me i'm so much more happier since I decided to get rid of the bad people :)
ReplyDeleteHi^^
ReplyDeletegood words, you have reason, I try ever make a good friends, true friends, this world is hard to find true friends,but each turn that I realize that I am in right path, I stay happy, a true friend worth more than thousand fake friends, a friend for all life, for all hours, for all moments, for have a history to tell,for live with a strong intensity and doesn't care how much be distant, the only point that is important is a the feeling that live in the heart, You should increase a new friend in your heart list,your new friend it's me, for all my life I will follow you because, I see in you a angel,you are a good person, a person that deserves the best affection from all us.
Have a nice day sweet Anette.
=)
Hi Anette!
ReplyDeleteI have to say this post help me a lot. Im on that situation now...
I was trying to lie myself for so long thinking that all of us have bad days, and trying to forgive that "friend" and myself too.
But was too much for me when she said she doesnt want me to asking her for help...with no reason. I started to see what I really means for "my friend" and how blind I was for so much time.
Now, I feel better. I have to admit that was so easy to me to forget her (that "friend" wasnt the first "friend" I had).
But I dont understand yet how people can do that. Now I think people are just moving on by their interest. It is the worst side of people, I fear.
So it was so helpfull your post. I saw im not alone on that. Thanks.
Have such a wonderfull day! See u there!
@Eva , hey, (sorry for responding this way, the school computer doesn't work along..) My parents found out about my cuts... They never ever thought I would do something like that, and when they found out they were like; "oh well, it's only to try, right?" all I could do was nod, since I didn't want to make them even more upset about me, with my granddad having cancer etc. (why the hell am I telling this to you? haha) I stoppped cutting, because they found out.. But I know myself, and it probably won't take long until I give in to it, again...
ReplyDeletewell, have a good day.. ;)
xx
I love mrs Ricci!She's great!And I'm glad you had a good Halloween night!Those are supposed to get us scared,aren't they?
ReplyDeleteThis post makes me get a wee bit sad,honestly.I just wish people would be genuinely nice to you.I agree with you,however.I believe lying must get tiring at some point,and that's when things get though.That's when everything crumbles down,and we realize our trust was misplaced.Needles to say,I went through this.Thank God,it happened only one time,but that was enough.Playing with people's feelings is dangerous,because it can leave them forever hurt,and they might have troubles trusting anyone ever again.I myself have trust-issues,which lead to a lot of anxiety.
I'm happy you're talking about being sincere,because honesty is what I've based my life on.Always saying what I think is hard,because at times I just sound like a bitch,but it's something really important,in my opinion.I simply can't shut up about my thoughts.And I'm not sorry for wanting to stand up for what I believe in.
About this subject,you might want to check out Jessie J's Stand up and/or Who You Are.She's all for the 'Be true to yourself' message,I love that.
Have a nice day now!
xx
That's exactly the portrait of my soon-ex-husband... and father of my children :(
ReplyDeleteHe put the mask of prince charming for four years. When something seems to be "strange" and that I talked about it to him, he always found the right thing to say to me. But the last two years I discovered a monster, I married a totaly unkwnown and horrible man who played with me from the begining because he wants to give the image of a "normal" man with a "normal" family.
When I discovered its real personality, it took me two years to run away. To succeed in getting away far from him because I was afraid of him. And it's still the case today.
I know that he hates me because I decided to get away but, normally, these people throw you when they totaly vampirezed you.
He isn't the first person like that I met and that hurt me. But he was the closest one.
These people choose their "victim" because he/she represents all that they're not, and first of all : empathy, but also plenty of human qualities.
Hi, Anette!
ReplyDeleteThese words are right. In our world we have many two-faces persons. It hard to know if this human not to lie to you. In my class at school so many people don't show their "right" face, 'cause we don't trust and very frighten if other people know us so much...
Do you mean guys from NW , when you said that you had met that kind of people in your life?
With Love,
Tanya=)
brave words! i mean is really true . I only have a friend, a really friend and I hope she never leave me . I always try to be a nice person who really I Am
ReplyDeleteBut I only knew fake people, people who once claimed to be friends, colleagues and other things. For example at school I always try to be social, pleasant thought I could make friends easily but I only knew people who told me "you're my friend" and then not even greet me, . When I was in a band where I sang I thought they cared about me, they were so friendly to me, time passed and we were very united, Until one day, they hurt me in a way very bad, my entire adolescence was very sad, I have only 19 years but I do not think I had a pretty adolescence, I was not as happy as when I was a child, as I got older I realized that being good it was bad, be like another, did not work, be who I am, did not work. I get a little sad, thinking I met many people who claimed to be my friends because sometimes i think they use me, sometimes crying for those "friends" feeling very alone ):. Today fortunately I have a person, but only one makes me happy to know that know her that well and maybe I'll have forever n_n. Anette hope you have a good day, you're wonderful! (sorry for my english :P ) -martin
Hey Anette :)
ReplyDeleteYour words are really touching and remind me of a hurting situation in my life in which I'm still in... I don't want to give any details, but all in all I'm someone who's got not many friends, only a few, but them I really love. I'm ready to give everything to the people I love and like. But I realized that even some of these closest friends began to just meet and write with me, when it seemed to be useful for them in any way, but not because of real friendship. Suddenly your close friend seems so strange and distant to you, it's such an ugly feeling.
I think I became someone who really fears getting feelings for another person. Cause when you get feelings for someone, this person is able to hurt you again. And that happened several times in the past year in my life... I hope this fear will fade away again soon...
Thank you for writing this text Anette! :) I wish you a nice day
Best wishes, Daniel
Wow, Anette, this post was so good! It almost brought tears into my eyes. It is indeed so true, the whole world is just an act of treachery in the mind of these people. And unfortunately, there's so many of them. And also, it has happened to me that they show this nice, loving, devoted face of theirs, which is ACTUALLY a part of them, but they also have that other side, the unsteady one, prone to betrayal, cruelty and selfishness. And you can't see it until they DO IT. They do something horrible and absolutely unexpected and then even say they're sorry for it, and you're so shocked it even takes time to realize how little you knew them.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm sorry for my blue-and-down ranting, but this post just asked for it. It's something so many of us can relate to.
Now have a nice day, hope November starts out nicely for you!!
Hello Anette!
ReplyDeleteGlad to read that you enjoyed Halloween night :)
I agree with your words. Many times people have 2 or even more faces. I knewa person who has 2 faces and I must say that it wasn't pleasant to talk with her. Now, when I see this person I just say "hello" and go on.
Enjoy the day :)
Hi Anette!
ReplyDeleteReally nice words, I agree 100% with you.
I also have been through this situation for so many times and I know that is horrible.
Last time was not long ago, and I still feel bad about it..
So that's why reading this post from you made me feel better.. it's good to see that you have the same opinion as I have: every one should be honest about feelings and opinions, and show their right faces..
Thank you for it!
And glad to see you posting a lot again :)
Enjoy your day!
love from Brazil!
Hi Anette :)
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what does it mean when someone hides his/her "right face".
A year ago I was on the 1st year at university and met some people. There was a girl and when I saw her for the first time I felt like "ok, with that girl I'll have a problem". But I didn't wanna judge her, I saw her only once, so we talked and we became friends with the other girl, so we were 3 close friends and it was a really great friendship, we started talking about more personal stuff and so on....
And one day that girl just... Changed. She showed us her "real face"... It was like 6 months ago when she stopped talking to us with no reason, and we were like.... O_O.
And- what is important- we were her only friends. And now she avoids us all the time, talks to people who don't know and don't like her.
But we don't care, we haven't done anything wrong, she did the same with her roommate...
I just don't understand it.
I'm a bit shy person but I don't hide my real personality. I 'm honest, maybe sometimes too honest.... :D But I know people can stand it, it's better than lying all the time.
Well said, Anette! I have had my share of these people in my lifetime, and hope that I have never came across in that manner. I like who I am and never saw any reason to show someone a fake side of me. As you say it will catch up to you at some point. I know quite a few people at my place of work who are nice to someones face then turn around and make fun of them behind their back. I never understood this kind of behavior. Oh, I could go on about this all day! :^)
ReplyDeleteWith that said, I would like you to know that I am a true fan, like to think of you as a friend I never met. Though I almost got my chance to meet you. But you parted with Nightwish 13 days before the concert I was attending...pulled a fast one om me there. haha :^) But your health and state of mind were more important to me than a concert. I will catch you again for sure. I really love who you are and what you stand for and the most beautiful voice I ever heard. I surely will be true to myself, to you and anyone else I meet on this life's journey. Hope you are having a wonderful day!
Be yourself everyone!! You are much more beautiful than trying to be someone you are not!!
That is why I am very selective, i mean VERY, I am not a paranoid nor a hermit. People criticize me for not having many friends. Well in a small town I wanna avoid hypocrite poeple, mobsters and radical political related; quality over cuantity, the more "friends" you have, the more exposed you become, the harder the work you must do to protect the face you have among others. I just avoid this people period, not judging anyone just having my own life. I had a very close friend who was used to lose control time to time but i could tolerate it, friends are suposed to. Anyway, he somehow became a compulsive liar, those people who just invent stories just to look cool or have something to talk about but i could tolerate it. What I couldn't tolerate was the fact he became an instigator, he was looking for troubles and started to deal with very dangerous people, bad combination. Once I told him "if you get yourself in a fight you have started I will not stand for you". With time I ended up taking my distance, lost a friend but spared a lot of unnecesary troubles. I should help my friend but he did not want to drop the mask, I can only help when people wants to be helped otherwise i will not waste my time. The mask that Anette is talking about is like a drug, very adictive, once tasted there is no turning back. If you wanna fight agains the adiction i can help, i can go with you to the support group over and over, i can asist you dealing with the problems that you hypocritical life has already caused but if you are like a junkie saying drugs can't do any harm or the narcisistic life you are taking does not affect anyone, well sorry, i cannot more for you, i don't care anymore.
ReplyDeleteYeah... It makes me sad, because I had few friends in my childhood very important to me. We were always together, in school, during vacation. We grow up together.
ReplyDeleteBut in highschool, we made new friends, and some were of this kind. I get along with them, and I thought all was great !
But after I had few problems, and was a little depressed, and from now on, all this people started to talk about me behind my back. I just discovered it because I received a message from one of them which criticized me, and said it was great to end highschool because they wouldn't see me again. I received it because the person sent it to the wrong number.
Since then, I lost most of my childhood's friends who stay with this mean person.
It makes me time after I can think about it without bitterness and hatred. But I just start to think that I was maybe a good thing, because now, I don't have these "artifical" friends, even if it hurt !
( sorry for my probably bad english )
Hi Anette,
ReplyDeletea really good subject you put forward again. :) Sadly, trusting people who aren't showing their right faces is happening on a daily basis..Just recently I've had another experience like that with a person, who really seemed to be a good and honest family friend but she turned out to be quite the opposite. I want to point out that a huge role in this kind of situations often plays the money. When money is involved, people always show who they really are! But we got to keep strong and take this kind of experiences a way to help us grow and remind us, not to be like that.
p.s.: just want to let you know that my dance group and i are the new european champions in show dance!! I'm sooo happy! :)
Lots of love and have a nice day! :*
Hi Anette,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you met such people in your life because being betrayed is something no person should experience. But it actually is an important theme to focus on.
I met some of these people too. I knew a girl and called her my best friend but I fear that she was never worth that title. We were close friends for more than a year and I really thought I knew her. But then she totally changed. We came into another class and there was this group of "cool" teenagers and everyone (except me) wanted to belong to this group. Everyone who didn't join them was a persona non grata and bullied. And my so called best friend wanted to be in this group too. Suddenly she wasn't the same person anymore. She changed her charakter completely which I didn't know that people can do this. I still don't know if she ever was that sweet girl I knew and that I thought her to be. I really want to believe that deep in her heart she is all good and just changed because of the pressure to maybe be unpopular in the class. But in fact I can't say if she showed me or them her right face.
I had another friend who turned out to be a false one. Once we had a pyjama-party at my place and a friend told us a terrible story and we all (this false friend included) promised to keep it as a secret. But finally we found out that this false friend of us told the story everywhere in school. And she did much more. She told lies about that pyjama-party. That I said mean things about the members of this group of cool kids which wasn't true. I never liked these people but I wouldn't tell mean comments about someone even if I don't like that person. Of course the cool group knew that I didn't like them. They knew because I didn't join them. But I tolerated them. And I don't need to talk behind someone's back to feel better myself like this group did all the time. I was very upset because this false friend told I had acted that way because this is absolutely not me. I hate people who hide their real faces and turn out to be someone else so I don't want anyone to tell I would do the same as these people do!
I think of myself as an honest person. I didn't lie often and I always tell people what I think and not what I think that they want to hear. Because of this I told these false friends what I think about them. That they are false, untrue, not honest, cruel and they didn't just betray me but also themselves. I think it's worse to hide from yourself who you really are than to hide it from others because you should know yourself best - better than others could.
Part 2 of my comment (had to divide it because I wrote so much):
ReplyDeleteAnd I can say that I am always nice and friendly even if I dislike someone. Disliking someone doesn't mean you have to ignore this person. You can be kind no matter what you think of someone. Being nice has nothing to do with liking/disliking others and being friendly to a person you don't like doesn't hurt you. So why can't we all be a bit more friendly to each other?
Everyone will show his/her right face anytime. I think people living behind a mask can't be happy because they are always acting a role. And they are surrounded by false friends so in fact they are all alone. I don't know if these people get to know that in their liftimes but I do believe that when their lifes finally end they know that they hadn't had real and caring friends that they could have had and that they were never themselves, they were just someone wearing a mask in a sea of mask-wearing people.
I'm happy to have so many real friends now. People who I can trust and who love me for being myself. I couldn't lie to them. I even feel terrible when I hide something from them. I know that that's not the same as a lie but it feels like a lie. Maybe it's half a lie... For some days now I am thinking of telling something to my best friend. I fear it could ruin our friendship but I think it best to be honest and tell him no matter how this will end...
Concerning false friends I really like Tarja's song "Dark Star". Everytime I hear the chorus I think of my false friends from my past and wonder if they are really more happy now with the lifes they chose, if it feels good for them to have no real friends or if they miss a good friend which I once was and could have been forever for them.
Sorry for the long comment, Anette, but it's really good to have someone like you who cares about these themes and who is interested in our stories and experiences. It's always nice to have someone to talk to and I'm happy that you share your thoughts about this with us. Enjoy your day, my dear.
With so much love and many kisses,
Steffi <3
Dear Anette,
ReplyDeleteit sounds like you are talking about some people, all of us know. So my directly question is:
Are you talking abou people from NW?
I hope you won't understand it in the wrong way...
Nice greetings,
Alex
Hello Sweetie, morning for you!
ReplyDeleteI know that feeling, i've been there =)
You know Anette, sometimes when things like that happens to you, you stop trust, love, doing everything for everytone.. which is a good thing if you think about it, you stop being dumb haha at least that happened to me, I had a really ' good ' friend, I don't have sisters or brothers and bam, she became my sister, i was at her place or she was at mine, pretty much all the time, i saw each other at school, after school, hang out on weekends .. and i also had a boyfriend at that time THAT ALSO was so good to me. charming, a sweetheart .. till the day that i caught them both making out, and they told me that this situation was happening for almost a month =) I laugh now but that was so hard, I was heartbroken, I didn't trust anyone anymore.. but after awhile that went away, I have pretty good friends now but I stopped being stupid, I don't know maybe this situation made me dead inside cause I think my feelings are gone haha If you like me good, if you don't .. whatever! We care too much about the others, sacrifice for others and we forget about us, we forget that pretty much none is doing that for us! I can understand you, you seem like a sincere person who speaks things right at people's face, I'm like that too, I hate being fake .. I tell every single thought of mine to my friends, and they call me ' bitch ' because of that! I prefer being this and ME than a fake person!
Well, hope everything is ok Nettie =) don't be sad if something like that happened to you, you have your family and your fans and you ROCK! =) you say what you think and that's a pretty good, better than hide your opinion and your personality to play the nice girl 24/7 ;)
Have a nice day sweetie! Take care
Two-faced people are just so.. I don't even know right word.
ReplyDeleteWhen I started school this year, I met one girl who was alone at her class. I talked to her and thought she was nice. She acted nice to me and told she liked some same things as I. We became friends, what was weird because I usually don't trust people. Suddenly, she told she didn't want to be with anyone else, she was always with me and didn't let me be with my old friends. About week ago, she told me that I am bitch and whore, nobody likes me and I'm wasting my life with metal music and even more idiot people.
I was shocked. I really was kind to her, but she was just playing with my feelings all the time. And she knew I was victim of bullying six years. She knew that it's hard to me even talk to people sometimes, and I don't let almost anyone close to me. But she didn't care.
Hi Anette!
ReplyDeleteThis topic is very interesting and I'm glad that you write about it. I don't know, it's hard when we are kids or teenagers have that kind of "friends" but it's even painful and more complicated when we are adults, because it's hard to believe how someone hide his/her true face for long time and at the end that people ends lonely.
I had a friend who was like a sister for me, we are very close to each other but one day she began to say bad things about me and my family, she told me : ugly girl and insignificant, and that was very painful, I remember I cried for a few days.
But I guess that kind of people need more afection and love, they have to show his/her true colors, like said Cindy Lauper in her song but shows a mask is only a shield ( sometimes a shield that hurts others) to hide his/her scars and there is the problem begins.
Anyway it's great to know that there are good and nice people, like you and your readers in the blog, in this world!
I had this not so long ago.I had a depression and I wanted to commit suicide. So I told one girl because I trusted her. But in an half hour the whole school knew it. It felt realy bad. And when I was realy young. I had two friens but they wanted to play a game and I didn't want that so they locked me inside their house and punched me in the face.
ReplyDeleteToday some friends of me were realy annoying and almost made me cry/angry. And when I'm angry I can do realy bad things to people. But the rest went well(I had a 8 for nature thingy at school) We also had 3 houres less the usual.
Have a nice day!
xx
Hey, Anette!
ReplyDeleteI've only posted a comment or two on here before. I'm a bit shy and I guess people don't like me or find me weird, or whatever... I don't have a lot of friends. And this made me remember one girl that is a big hypocrite. She leaves a first impression of a chatty, outgoing person, but once you get to know her and really scratch under the surface, she turns out mean, selfish, childish, angry, cheap and two-faced. It's a normal thing to have fights between friends sometimes. But the difference is, I would tell what I think to her face and to noone else. And then she would get insulted and tell stuff to everyone else behind my back, but not to me. But I found out and got hurt. I knew she was a bit childish, but I never knew she was this mean and vindictive. She was calling me a b*tch behind my back and telling my private issues to people I barely knew. And it's somehow hard to get rid of her because she keeps coming back. I really hate talking to her and others like her and watching her every word, wondering if it's fake or not. It's stressful and there's so much hypocrisy and negative energy there. The sad thing is that most people that she's been telling stuff about me will never get to know her good enough to realize what she's really like, it took me quite a while, too. And, of course... there's this guy, too. He really hurt me. Now he just ignores me. It's a long story. He just turned out to be the exact opposite of what I thought he's like. So I figured, I don't even like him since I thought he's a totally different person. And I still can't stop missing him and wondering if he's ok. But I think this is already pretty much off topic and whiney. It gets hard, but the best thing is to always follow your heart... Till it bleeds. So to say at least something positive, best thing with people like that is to try and ignore them and find the ones that are worthy of your trust. Believe in yourself and find the strength in yourself. I thought that maybe sharing this here with you might make me feel a little better. Thank you for writing this blog and making us feel free and safe to write about our stuff to you and others here. Have a nice day. :)
Oh wow its strange that you wrote that...
ReplyDeleteI think we NEVER really know people as I've beem disapointed many times about friends, people, family etc...
I know exactly what you mean.
An horrible thing happened to me months ago.
I stayed almost 4 years with a guy. He was perfect, SOOO nice, everybody loved him. My mum considered him like a son, my grandparents like a grandson and so on. He did amazing for me. He was so perfect that I felt I was the luckiest girl in the world... until I discovered he was an incredible liar, psychpath etc... he actually had at least 3 differents relation ships with others girls (me and two others girls). I'm sure he was with even more girls at the same time but I have no proofs. I met the two others girls and we discovered he actually was totally different with each of us. He had differents characters, according with who he was and differents tastes too!
When I discovered that I was 100000 feets under. That the hardest thing I lived in my live. He was such a good manipulator, he could make everyone believe what he want!
I know he still like that, I know he still have a lot of girlfriends at the same time, he'll never change. This is a serious mental illness.
He completely distroyed me, and I'll never be the same. I can't believe in human being now.
It's been more than a year ago since I discovered this and i'm still cant get over it. I'm still "bleeding" and I dont know how many years it'll take me to heal.
And this is actually the reason why I wanted to took my life off last year.
I guess no one can understand that and the pain until we live it!
Thanks I had Nightwish, it helped a lot. And I remember I thought "wait for Imaginaerum to be release and then you can go". After it was "wait to see them once again on stage and then you can go". And today I'm still here, thanks to Nightwish and your voice. You gave me strenght and thanks for that!
You're the only one to who I said that. I don't want to talk about that with people as it still hurt but can write it and I know you won't judge me.
Love and lots of hugs
I had one friend like that. It's been said that people change, although I think over time it becomes more apparent who they really are.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I hope things are good with you and that this doesn't bring you down any further. You have family, friends, and fans who adore you for who you are. :) Granted, we don't know each other...LOL. But I think your personality comes across in your writing.
And on a related note, it'd be great to see you embark on a musical project in the future in which you can be yourself and have more input in the process than you did with NW. :)
I believe the otherwise is also something that happens sometimes. I mean, when people clearly don't like or have a wrong idea of how you really are and say things or do bad things but at some point they get to know you and you become very good friends with them.
ReplyDeleteI had an experience like that and that friend of mine tells me how sorry he was for misjudging me almost every time we meet. It's a good experience when people see your "right face" and change a bad view they had of you for a good one.
I also had a case in my family where one person we all loved, and it was all apparently likewise, in the end turned out to be all faking and this person did make harm to some of us in our backs. Things we found out years later!!!! I always wondered how such a good and perfect person had lots of bad things happening with her in the end, and I realized after we found out her true intentions that what she was seeding wasn't so nice, so of course the harvest wasn't going to be good in the end.
I have this belief that you have to keep your core good. Even if sometimes bad things happen to you and that you get sad and think you don't deserve to go through that, after a while you think back and see that those things were a learning and it was good that they happened so you could evolve as an individual.
Negativity doesn't lead you anywhere. I don't like to keep negative people around me, so if I find out someone was faking to me, all I will do is to retract myself from the circle that person is in and thank God I found it out, because it's one less source of negativity in my life.
Have a nice day!
Hi dear sweet Anette,
ReplyDeleteHope you're good.
It is sad but true that there are too many people going around pretending and not showing who they really are. I ended one friendship about 5 years ago because of this kind of stuff. And the saddest thing is that she, who I thought was my best friend, believes in all her own lies and cheats on everyone. I mean she cheats the people around her and also herself. She is also a master of using people and giving a really false impression of herself.
I am glad I ended that friendship because it was hurting me and my marriage also.
But enough about sad things.
Have a great evening!
Puss o kram :)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYea i know plenty of people who are like that. I had a friend at school who I tried talking to about my dad hitting and yelling at me all the time and my mom who is addicted to pills,and she went around and told everyone about it,and I was made fun of even more.
ReplyDeleteI had to drop out of school today actually because of how rude people are to me,just because Im abused. I dont think thats right. School used to be a safe place for me,but now im abused there too.
Love and hugs
Hi Anette. Thanks for your very good posts lately. You have quite heavy topics nowadays and those makes me really think. Good. And I am sorry to see that there are so many people who have got hurt. Yep, these two-faced people are everywhere and I guess most of us have met them, one way or another. Unfortunately many of us have even quite horrible experiences, including me. And some of them are so horrible that I do not even want to share them. But I am not so blue-eyed anymore. In a way it is very sad that these experiences makes you actually doubt everyone and you feel you can't trust anybody. I can't help thinking that you are telling indirectly more and more about the incident we all know...Anyway, time to think some happy thoughts. Have a nice evening!
ReplyDeleteIt so fucked up out there? I mean, here in Santa Cruz such thing as bulling does not occur, well it happens in other cities in the country but i really don't understand. Maybe it would be because here strangers do intervine, and you don't wanna face an angry mother. Here we have not quite common cases of bulling at schools but is the bully who ends up screwed because nobody likes mobsters. If somebody is making fun of your domestic problems, that person will have a lot of troubles, we are kinda compasive, maybe too much.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I think you all are facing the problem a little self complacently, please don't get me wrong, I undertand your problem, but here we have an old saying "who gets angry loses" and if you are inside a bulling situation and you cannot escape you cannot afford to fall apart because that is what they want. Running away will not make things better, in some point you'll find yourself against a wall and you finally have to turn back and confront your fears. I've been under siege, the city was sorounded by thousands of facists groups who wouldn't like our caucassian skin nor jewish names (yes Bolivia is not an indian country as they made you belive, no i am not jewish but my name i think it is), after that day i have not fear anymore, before then I was a true beliver, today i don't salute the flag and i respond very unpolitely to any form of discrimination or over victimization, thanks to internet we can exchange some words but if this blog was written by our governments, well, my governmet would be telling yours that you are the ones to blame for our country troubles. I really don't wish this to anyone, you might not know what is to be under dictatorship, you might not now what civil war is. But hatred is not the solution, poor bastards they will end up like Mussolini, hanged by the feet so the multitude could spit to his face, i have not hatred, just too muh patience to wait for seein it happen. I don't hate the people who wanted to wipe us out because now they are suffering for their actions and insted of saying ha ha i am felling compassion, poor idiots, they were used at first but now the poor crowds are mistreated as we were that day. Most of my countrymen live in fear, i don't, because if i feel fear, facists wins. If the holocaust happens tomorrow, i will not fall apart today. So I walk tall everyday until the day i die or the facists die.
If I could get trough a situation that is similar what happened in Germany in 1933 (Night of Broken Glases), can't you just do the same? They wanna see you fail, well be succesful, they wanna see you destroyed, well be happy, they wanna see you runn away, well get off your clothes and paint all over your body "I am staying and I don't give a fuck if you don't like it". Sorry, you cannot cry for spilled milk. You cannot undo what is already done so falling appart will only turn things worse. You have to decide wether ending up feeling sorry for yourselevs or trying to be the next Warren Buffett? It is up to you. Fall Apart you lose, try to do something might not set things right but it will be more what bullies will ever achieve in their lives. Most of them will end up like second class clerks if lucky enough.
Hello dear!
ReplyDeleteWell, I always met people who act like this. They show a face when in fact other and then make yourself look bad but I've always thought why give importance? That is, we are better than them the proof is that we are still standing and we don't need them to go ahead, because we are awesomes.
Of course, if I've had the opportunity to say in the face what I think and what they really are, I take advantage.
Well, you have many people who supports you and loves you. Don't look back and lives because you still have a long away to go & beautiful people for whom fight.
We love you :D
ok, you know what? i had a similar experience with a girl in high school
ReplyDeleteHello Anette.
ReplyDeleteThis topic is interesting. Unfortunately there are people like that. I've had friends that were false, I am more cautious. I am happier being honest. They talked to me back when I wanted that person, it's hard and you think, as I did not see?
I wish we were all honest and work much better world.
I like talking about these issues. Your always the best.
Dear Kisses Anette.
Oh yes, I know such things very well...
ReplyDeleteThe biggest part of the bullying I have suffered were made by these kind of people -- false friends. And, I think it was one of the factors which made the bullying worst. I thought they REALLY WERE my FRIENDS, so I didn't worry about the bullying, that I thought was just some innocent jokes. Unfortunately, when I discovered they have never been my friends it was too late, and then the damage was already done.
Come on, why the hell the people do this? It was so sad when I got in the school and saw a lot of people laughing of my face, because of nothing. I just couldn't understand why they were laughing of me. Had I done something wrong? It was when I discovered that they were laughing because of LIES my supposed friends told to everybody. YES, they had CREATED stories, terrible stories about myself and told to EVERYBODY, just to have fun with me.
My "friends". The guys which I had studied with; played with; went out with, were there, creating lies about me. So, where were the kind, funny, friendly guys? Where were the guys who said that were my "best friends"?
Just a fake. Just a mask. Just something they've never were.
Of course, it was just a little part of the bullying I suffered, but it was one the worst parts...
Well, until today I just can't understand WHY the people must act like that. Of course there are the cases when the only objective in act a fake face is to damage, bully a person. But, after thinking a lot about it, I got into a conclusion: there are some cases when the "mask" just exist to hide something that the own person hates... I mean, there are some people which just act a fake face to show for another people something different of what they really are -- for shame of the truth, shame of themselves. Of course that's also a bad thing, because the mask one day will finally fall, and everything will get just worse...
Finally, I must say that I think that any acting kind is really bad. I think you must show what you are, it doesn't matter what it is. If you want to please people being something you're not, you are just offending them, making the things just worse.
Well, sorry if I've wrote a lot, but I really identified myself with what you wrote, Nettie. Once more, thank you for this blog, this space to unburden -- thank you for everything.
Put your masks down, people. Nobody need of them.
Have a wonderful night, you all =D
Love,
André.
Hi Nettie! (i hope that is ok if I call you on that way).
ReplyDeleteyou are so right, some people always disappoint us with their actions and a lot of people are "Two Faces" like you say.
I have met many of these people, you trust them, you give their your frindship and you think that they are the coolest and nicest person on the earth, but you realize that they are just acting and that for real are bad persons.
but well, at least always are good people that you can call your friends and never disappoint you.
by the way, I love your words and you way to think...
i hope that you are ok and you know, you always will have people that support and love you...
I´m diying by your solo album, hope to see you soon
p.s: sorry by my bad english... Greetings from Yucatan, Mexico n_n
love you :)
'You need to be yourself, you can be no one else' ( Noel Gallagher, Supersonic, 1994 )
ReplyDeleteI'm not a fan of Oasis but I've always thought that out of all that lyrical nonsense you can extract this one piece of true wisdom.
Good day to you Anette :)
believe me, thats why i dont have ''best friends'' or ''friends'' the only people that i talk to, are my Facebook Contacts, they're better friends than the ones i met in person :/
ReplyDeletethats why sometimes i preffer to be alone, it hurt so much when a loved one betrays you, and do all the possible to destroy you...
If they laugh at us, and do bad things, it's because we're doing something well, that they can't do!!
by the way this reminds me to ''Everybody's fool'' perfect song to describe this situation!
God Natt My Dear!! :3
Hi Anette!:)
ReplyDeleteFirstly, I honestly hope, that this was not a nicely wrapped message to Nightwish. (Sorry for mentioning them in almost every comment, I can't help it!:D)
Secondly, your English skills still amaze me!:D
Actually this has never happened to me, because I hardly let people really close to me, and those ones didn't leave "the inner circle" that way. Though I had a friend who after breaking up with my girlfriend started to be friends with her instead of me, because he liked her opinion more. O.o That was strange.
Do you think that pretending to be a little bit meaner, just a little bit is as bad as acting like the sweetest-guy-in-town? 'Cuz I think that's the fact with me, people have to break the "shell" to get to know me, though I'm really talkative and sociable and have many buddies (whom with I would never ever share any of my deeper thoughts). I don't consider this as bad, I think this is just a filter of assholes! XD
Thanks for reading and answering, I really appreciate your efforts made on caring about your fans! :) I usually try to be interesting to make you think maybe? xD Writing "Hi, and same to you!" could be kind of boring I guess!:)
Have a nice day, and try not to freeze to death! :D
PS: I hate captcha.
Hi Anette!
ReplyDeletethank you for posting this, it's just like you're speaking for me, because this year I've been though a similar experience that almost devastated me .But hey now i know this experience has opened my eyes and thought me apostive lesson and made me a stronger person, a person who's ready for anything ,who won't let someone or some peaple destroy him because of do or say about you.
Have a nice day Anette. =)
ugh that sounds like my ex-gf..one day it's "i love you. you mean everything to me." the next it's "you mean nothing to me". i thought i had finally found someone to settle with...now i'm wondering if "i love you" is meaningless these days..part of me wants to believe "i love you" means something..i don't say it unless i mean it..
ReplyDeleteWell, It is a deniable reality. It happens all the time. You have two friends A and B. Friend A is harrasing B but you are friend of both and you don't do anything. Happens to everyone all the time.
ReplyDeleteSo sad that no answers.. though I totally can understand why! :D
ReplyDeleteHi Anette! Thank you for saying something about this! It's something that I find I can relate to a lot... When I was twelve, I moved halfway across the world to a completely new country, so I was really scared, naturally. I missed my old friends, and I was worried about making new ones because that's really difficult stuff. I was relieved when I first got there because everyone in my year seemed to be so nice to me... but then someone told me that they were all really saying mean things whenever I wasn't there. Calling me strange and annoying, making fun of the fact that I loved Pokemon and such... That was just the tip of the iceberg, apparently. It made me so sad because I never did anything to hurt them (in fact, I could hardly talk to people because I was so shy anyway) and I didn't understand why they said these things :( I couldn't stand up and say anything about how I knew, because it was pretty much me against everyone, so I just went into my shell even more because I was suddenly so scared of being judged for every little thing that I did. I had no friends for a really long time and it made me feel lonely. Mostly I relied on my Pokemon games and my favorite music to keep me company... That's why I want to thank you so much, because it was some of the music that you've done that is included here. :) It's gotten better today and I've met some good, honest friends, but those few years really left an impression on me because I never know when to trust people or not: I really, really want to believe people actually are nice and trustworthy, but sometimes I just can't because how could you know when people are lying?...
ReplyDeleteLove and hugs to you! <3
Hi Anette! Love to see you're doing well and are still here on the blog!! <3
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say a few things about this subject, please don't take offence, it's not meant that way ^_^
I think maybe you're oversimplifying when you're saing that somebody shows their true face.
The way I think about it is:
Can you really say that a person has one true face?
What makes up a person?
Can you ever really know another person?
- Can you ever really know yourself?
I believe we're all capable of good and evil. What defines us isn't a set thing, rather it's a mix of things, choices, maturity etc.
Who a person is isn't set in stone.
It's a kind of black and white thinking, to think that people are good or bad. They're capable of both.
I like to think of myself as a good person, I try to BE a good person. But I'm not perfect.
Neither are you.
Nobody is.
But you can definitely question peoples actions when they are making the choice to hurt you or others. Just, you can't either know other people's motivations, why they act like they do. Not unless you ask them. Maybe you're just a more mature person than they are. Perhaps they are acting out of fear of some kind. That's usually the case.
Unless the person is sick with some kind of personality disorder, then of course it's different!
But there are a lot of broken people who don't dare to love, or don't know how. How to show compassion, how to be true, because all of those things requires you to be a bit vulnerable in a way, you know? So their hearts grow hard. Many people lose their inner innocence way too early.
It's important to remember that when they hurt you, it's all about them, because of who they are, not because of you.
And the stuff you wrote at the end, that's so very true!!
Anyway, a really good post and an important topic! Thanks ^_^
Hi Anette, I think I can read between the lines. But I won ´t mentioned it here. It is really sad what happened to you. But you are strong and you will go ahead. Best wishes.
ReplyDelete