Hi Lisa,
I didnt want to put out the long comment you wrote me, since it felt as it was personal and for me only. But I will answer here since thats the only way to answer you. Hope this is ok=)
When it comes to other people, even the ones that are the closest ones to us, we sometimes get hurt by them and its very hard to understand why they, who should love us as we are, try to change us or say hurting things... I think we sometimes dont think about what we say and how we say it and maybe it sometimes can be meant as a "caring" advice but ends up as the total opposite thing..
In my life I have had so many people saying what to do and how I should be etc, and I am that "nice" person who listen to others and want to be loved by them. Especially in my teenage years and up until my 30s I was always listening to much to my closest ones and friends and sometimes got really really hurt by their ways and what they said to me. They could say things that they thought was how I was or what I should do to do the right thing, but they didnt know me so much since the advices many times were wrong for me... but still, I didnt say anything and just held it within me. And thats really not the best way to do it. Then you get angry and mad at them in the end and can react stronger than necessary whenever they say anything, even nicer things..
So, I have decided to take away the people that try to control me and the ones I feel have a negative vibe on me and then the ones that I have felt listen to me and understand that I am me, I do what I want, they respect me for being who I am etc.. those persons I still have around me and today I can say to them: Thanks for your advice or help, but I dont agree with you.
What i mean is, in your situation, if they continue disrespecting you and saying those things, that you feel are not right. Its not who you are, they are wrong etc... you need to put your foot down and tell them it hurts you, that they are wrong etc and if they cant change, if you still feel they hurt you etc, you should think about if they are something you need and want in your life... hard and big decisions, but sometimes just a "break" from them can make things "click" in them that they should respect you more..
I do hope something of what I am saying makes sense to you, its hard to write things down and especially in another language than my own;=)
Keep it up, be as you want to be, stand up for yourself and always know that noone has the right to tell you those things they do! its disrespectful and very hurting...
hugs and love,
Anette
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Hi Anette
ReplyDeleteI agree with you!!
Love
isabelle
Hi Anette
ReplyDeleteIt's nice that you give other people your comfort. I hope Lisa will be alright in her difficult situation.
Sorry to change the subject, but I was wondering if you could give us some more information about those 'protein pancakes' that you talk about in your last interview. Could you give some examples? What do you put in those pancakes?
(The man from the interview said that he read something on your blog about it, but I haven't found it yet. So maybe you have already answered my question.)
Baaiz
Daphne
I agree with you Anette ,
ReplyDeletesome advices are ending totally opposite.
I also got some "advices" to change myself etc. But when I say that I do not agree , my so called "friends" start to tease me.I always get advices from my mom. And she always helps me.
And you gave Lisa a great advice =)
Hugs
♥♥♥
Ena
Hej Anette!
ReplyDeleteI would like to thank you for taking the time to read what we write and give us advice and share your thoughts. I admire you for your strenght of being yourself always. I've told you before, but please let me say again that you're a great woman, as well as a great singer =)
I see what you mean when you talk about the need sometimes to break with people who take away our own energy. It can be very hard, but it can also be necessary. Of course feedback is essential to grow up and improve in our life, but it is also essential to be able to distinguish between helpful feedback and negative vibes. Criticism can be helpful, but it has to come from people who really understand us and respect who we really are. Those are the people who will also give us the greatest support in life. We can agree or disagree with them sometimes, but having them by our side will always make us feel good and strong.
Negative pressure coming from people who are suffocating our inner self is something we must get rid of. Sometimes it may be hard to see things clearly and we may wonder if we're right or wrong, if we should listen to this or that person or not... But even though it may sound a cliché, the truth is that the answer lies within ourselves and we must learn to look inside and find it. If we get rid of all bad feelings like fear, anger, etc. and we resonate with feelings of love and freedom, we'll be able to see our path unfolding before us and we will know what is right and what is not.
I hope this makes sense ;-)
Thanks for your light Anette, and for being true to yourself! =)
Love and hugs,
Elisa
Hi Anette!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. You gave Lisa a great advice =).
Hugs <3
I really really really needed to read something like that today.
ReplyDeleteThank You Anette for being such a lovely, sincere and caring person.
All the best to Lisa! <3
Love,
Karo E.
Dear Anette,
ReplyDeleteYou are so wonderful for doing this blog and reaching out to your fans. Your advice is so true...
Reading your response makes me think about all the people that I have met in my life and the negative attitudes they carried, which impacted me. I guess as we get older, and wiser, we realize that we want to be surrounded by those that care about who we "really" are, not what they want us to be. Society puts such a pressure on us to form to what others "think" we should be and it's hard to escape from it. But learning that your happiness is more important...and having those who truly care about you in your life is what matters. It's hard sometimes to separate from those who hurt or control us...but to be happy is priceless.
I always say: It's the quality of friendship that matters, not the quantity. :-)
(((HUGS)))
Christine
Hi anette!!
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you and I hope Lisa does too.
In my life I have many people trying to tell me what to do, what to wear, how to act, etc but fortunatelly I stoppes listening to them when I was 13 years old (I'm almost 24 now).
I don't know what Lisa's problems are but I hope she gets over them.
Being yourself it's the only real way to be hapy. You cannot find hapiness by living someone else's life.
Family and Friends are suposed to be suportive not negative.
As we say here in Brazil sometimes, if God gave you a life, deal with your own and let others live theirs.
Hugs to you and my best to Lisa!
Although it was not directly to me, I thank you so much for these words. I needed them.
ReplyDeleteMy grandparents annoy me, upset me, they say to me to have my long hair cut, they say that I look like a gay, a woman.
But I told them and will always tell, I won't have my hair cut now! I like the way it is.
Love you, thank you so much.
Fábio
Wow Anette, the Agony Aunt! Your post was so nice and thoughtful. I hope it brings comfort to Lisa.
ReplyDeleteThank you for doing this, Anette. You can't imagine what a warm and cosy sensation it is, to feel that you're truly communicating with someone you're looking up to dearly. This kind of attention and frankness is extremely rare nowadays, therefore much more precious.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to feel like you're actually being heard. Many people never get the courage to open their hearts and share their feelings with people on the internet, and most of the time, even when they dare to do such a thing, they never get any feedback or comfort. So I, and I'm sure many people around here are very grateful for being given the opportunity to receive advice and empathy from someone they appreciate.
I also admire the fact we're all given the freedom to get deeper within our and other people's hearts and try to get an insight of them and a chance to improve aspects of our own lives from others' experiences.
I also strongly agree with Christine's point of view. It's all because of society. Human beings tend to be fragile and look for approval, acceptance and sympathy of people around them and they try their best in order to please them, even though they neglect their own satisfaction and well-being because of that. We all need to have friends and in order to keep them, we do things that we don't want to and don't feel comfortable with. One needs to be very strong and very clear-headed to see who harms them under any form and who doesn't. And it requires double-bravery to "break the chain" that connects them with those they aren't compatible with. But the greatest, the most painful risk is to lose one's capacity of realizing something or someone isn't good for us, and to keep on living the same controlled, sad and frustrating life because of the fear to lose someone we SHOULD.
These subjects are very mind-wracking indeed. It makes one think about whether the things they talk about in general can't apply to their own lives. But I think it's all about intuition afterall. People have an inborn capacity to detect anything "fishy", negative or destructive for them. And as long as their use this capacity, I think we're all safe. One just needs to be confident and brave enough as to face the consequences his/her revelations would have.
Thank you for making us THINK, Anette. People tend to be very selfish nowadays, and sometimes we need to face others' fears and insecurities in order to release ourselves from this shell of egoism.
Hey Anette!
ReplyDeleteIt's so great that you read and answer your fan's comments!!
lots of love
Oh, I love you so so so much!! that this post makes me wanna cry..
ReplyDeleteYou are such a great person!
Oh!!! I find this post very useful for me in this moment!! I really agree with you,I admire you cause of you strength and courage!!
ReplyDeleteHave a sweet day!!!
Hi Anette,
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you.
I lived a similar situation when I was go to school. No one respecting me because I was a different person with different tastes. In the beginning I have tried to create a relation and try to undestand what dislike of me and was every day tormenting my soul and heart asking me why I have made to receive this.
After a bit of time I haven't received a feedback from they, I decided a thing : since now I'll go in my way. It was a really suffered decision but it's really when say "only the brave survive". If I went to school with a metal magazine, I just care nothing of their stupid comments. But everyday they have hurt my soul with stupid comments about the latest book that I was reading or about my musical tastes. Now I finished school since the last year (in 2008) and I felt really well despite my parents that every day tormenting me out with the story "when you find out a boyfriend?".
Oh man, I have only 20 years and I have all the time I want to find a man who loves me.
Sometimes parents doesn't understand that for this things we need time since are things so very delicate.Really, sometime I don't understand they. But the secret is : Let the talk and don't reply at them provocations.
Hope to be not annoying you, Anette but I my idea was to share with you my thoughts and experiences, hope you enjoy.
I send you so very big hugs.
Miriam xx
Dear Nettan
ReplyDeleteThat what you wrote was absolutely true and I really agree with you. It's easy to think "do not care what the others are saying to/about you, be yourself" etc but it's not so easy in practice.
I have an aunt who is really into her religion and so on. She has always said to me that I'm failed human being, I can never become anything etc (and all just becouse I'm not so religious and I have done quite stupid things in my life - and also learned of them). She also says to my mother she is bad as a mother and she can't raise me the right way and advices how to be and what to do... It hurts a lot even if I've always tried to ignore what she's saying.
Thanks for that post Nettan. It really made me feel better about what I wrote earlier. And you're right, it's not very easy to write down your thoughts since you dont write your mother language. (And english isn't even a second language for me ;=)
Hugs, Kristina
This whole not-talking-about-my-thoughts-and-feelings thing is also difficult for the people around me and I can understand that. When they say the things to me I wrote about in my previous comment, I tend to completely block and just stare at them saying nothing. I do, however, think and feel things about it at those moments, but most of the time I keep it to myself. And exactly what you wrote will happen, there will be an outburst at a moment no one is expecting it or understanding where it comes from. One of my outbursts actually scared me, as I did not know I had it in me to react so (over)emotional. It was about a year ago at school. I messed up an important test and all of a sudden it came: I cried very loud, I yelled, I was angry and upset and it felt like I could not control myself. It took me about 20 minutes or so to finally calm down again. My entire class was staring at me and even my teachers did not know what to do. Of course it was not just the stress for the test and the fact that I messed up the test, but I think it was the straw that broke the camel's back.
ReplyDeleteSo it is indeed not a very wise thing to not talk. Luckily I can express my thoughts and feelings through writing. Through this way I can hide the emotions that come with it from others and think more of a way to 'say' something. Also, there is almost always an edit option or you can simple take a break from writing and rewrite the material you have written so far. Something I did endlessly with this comment. It is, however, also one of my weaknesses, because I can not really stay short and to the point, something you might have noticed already. ;-)
Maybe taking a break from everyone and everything around me will do good. One more year at school and I will have my management secretary diploma. Perhaps I should leave my country for a while, move to England, study English to become a fluent in the language, move back and start another study in The Netherlands. Something like that. Through that way I will meet new people, learn the language very well, become more independent, etc. Then I will have no other choice but to stand up for myself and to just do "it", whatever that "it" might be. But it is only a thought I am taking into serious consideration and I have not spoken about this with anyone yet. If I will decide to do something like this, I think there will be a lot to arrange.
But, dear Anette: if, where- and whenever I would see you perform live and get the opportunity to meet you before or after the gig, I will make sure to thank you for this in person. :-) All right, even though I feel like I forgot to write a few things, I will stop right here, right now with writing. ;-) Thank you very much for your answer, it really meant and means a lot to me. Take care and hugs and love back!
Yours,
Lisa
Hello everyone,
ReplyDeleteIt was very interesting to read all of your comments, even though most of them were not really directed to me. Still, I read interesting things. And thank you Daphne, Karolina, Mery and Aine for your nice words. :-) Yes, Anette has indeed given me a lot of comfort by writing all the things she wrote. And yes, I do agree with her and I think the advice she gave me is great.
"Thank you for doing this, Anette. You can't imagine what a warm and cosy sensation it is, to feel that you're truly communicating with someone you're looking up to dearly. This kind of attention and frankness is extremely rare nowadays, therefore much more precious." ~ written in the comments by Elmas. I completely agree with this! :-)
Yours,
Lisa
These things are so difficult to understand and they are so true! At the moment, I am in a situation where I have started to think, why some things are what they are, who is wrong and who is right etc. ...
ReplyDeleteOnce I had a really, really good friend. We really had fun together and we never went anywhere without each other.
Now we are in 9th class and our friendship has frozen. I have thought of several causes for this, I wonder if this is my fault etc. I always compare myself to her and feel quite bad when I see, how people around me like her so much. There is no person who wouldn't love her. She is a happy, lively girl, a friend of everyone, and I am more a lone wolf.
I don't know if we were too different in the end, or maybe we didn't appreciate each other enough. At some point she just started to be quite mean, sometimes I felt really hurt, and she just continued being that lovely little girl loved by everyone. However, I also do feel compassion for her, for she has had a hard childhood...
But still.
I tried to talk her about how I feel, since I think that things can be settled by talking, and what did she do? She laughed at me and said that I'm being too sulky. It felt like she was putting all the blame on me. I'm not saying that it was all her fault, not at all. I think the fault can be put on us both.
And nowadays, when I see her in the school being that "social butterfly", I feel exactly like this: I would give my soul to devil to be her, even just for one day. I have lost myself, I dont know if I am good as I am. I have forced myself to be like "the others", the lively social ones. Maybe I'd be lively and social too, if I acted like that.
I have always had my own way and that little rebel inside me tells me not to give up for the others. Those things you wrote really made me understand many things. I don't have to keep any mean person in my life if I don't want to, and I am good just as I am. I'll keep going my own way, and if someone doesn't like it, then it's not my problem.
"I don't wanna do the things you say
I don't wanna play the game you play
I just want to be myself and walk the road without pretending
I just wanna live my life, be true
So many things there are that I will do
When I'm looking back the road
At least I can say: I did it my way"
Revolution Renaissance ~ I did it my way
Thank you so much Anette, you have saved my day:)
Ps. Hope my English understandable, for it's not my mother tongue;)