Today I want to talk about bullying again and today I want to focus on bullying in the work place and among adults since I think this is as big of a problem as bullying among children.
I found this article from a tv series in Sweden some years ago and I thought it´s so sad to read and see that its so many suffering from this and just some weeks ago a 53 year old man took his life here in Sweden due to bullying in his work place. Sad and as we can see, its not only a problem in schools and among kids.
I´ve translated the text freely and the origin can be found here: http://www.svt.se/2.8402/1.128544/utfryst_och_ensam_pa_jobbet_020108
Outfrozen and alone at work
Only during year 2000 1120 cases were reported where people felt they were subjects of bullying or harassments in their working place. In five years time these reports have tripled. The evidence demands in the legislation make it almost impossible to get the damages approved by Försäkringskassan (our health service). Uppdrag Granskning have met two men who in different ways have felt violated at their jobs and due to this their lives have changed totally.
During five years as a HR consult at Landstingshälsan in Hudiksvall, Oscar Frieberg did working related environmental investigations and taught managers about the environmental legislations in working places. During a development talk Oscar had with his own manager, Oscar suggested they should do something to improve their own working environment in their common working place.
He experienced that he had a pressured working situation. The secretary at their work place felt bullied since she had gotten in -between when their manager had forbidden her to tell Oscar where their manager was. instead, the manager started the operation "take away Oscar" instead.
During six years Oscar Frieberg tried to get back to the labour market. His friends disappeared around him and he went into a depression and got shingles. In january this year Oscar also got to know that Försäkringskassan, after their investigation had decided to decline him his annuity.Only the person who has gotten their working injury approved by the law is in titled to get annuity and by that the right of having the same salary as before you got injured or hurt.
From the union he didn´t get any support, He had to prove by himself that he had been harassed. Through more or less a detectives work, he traced the managers order of an advertisement brochure for Landstingshälsan, where every single coworker were in the picture, except for Oscar. This is just some of the events that Oscar Frieberg had to point at so he finally could get the events approved as a working injury.
All studies seem to have stopped when it comes to bullying in our working places. There´s no statistics from either scientists, government or judicial organizations that shows how many, after offensive treatment, are able to get their working injuries approved. According to LO-TCOs (unions in Sweden) legal protection, who runs most of the errands, only a few people succeed every year. The highest law instance has since 1993 only taken two cases up for trial. Both were refused.
In Uppdrag Gransknings report (the tv-show) you will also meet Per-Johan. Today he walks around with a walking frame after a suicide attempt. He threw himself from the fifth floor in the house where he lives together with his girlfriend. Per-Johan had lost faith in life after being harassed during a longer period at the car company he worked in.
His boss had, among other things, threatened him with a shot-gun in front of his co-workers because he didn't do his job "the right way" and wasn't fast enough. Per-Johan also had to drive the other co-workers to McDonalds during lunch time so they could eat. But Per-Johan had to sit and wait in the car while the others ate.
Per-Johans girlfriend noticed during a long time that his mood changed. He easily got irritated and in the end he often got aggressive right to the day when it got so far that he tried to end his life.
Per-Johan survived the fall at this suicide attempt and are today looking more lightly at life, but still he can't work.
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Situations like this are so hard to change unless we all stand up for the bullied person. We have to accept and respect that people are different. I have problem with a group of people at my work, no greetings in the morning and they ignore me. Luckily I have other nice colleagues that support me. But the bad situation at work have made me ill and seriously considering to change career.
ReplyDeleteHi Anette,
ReplyDeleteThanks for saying this! A lot of people think that bullying is only at school.. But I had a great school time, but at my working place some people were bullying me.. All because of my ex boyfiend.. :S Now my boss is searching for an other job for me and an other working place.,. I guess it's easier to find an other working place for me then to talk to the people who bullied me.. :S Strange.. That's the thing that makes me angry.. They don't handle the real problem..
Hugs, Danielle
Unfortunately being adults many people seem to just dismiss bullying and tell someone to get over it, to suck it up and all that crap.
ReplyDeleteAlso though, 'his boss had, among other things, threatened him with a shot-gun', how the f**k is this guy not in prison?! He's pretty much threatening to freaking shoot him! The boss in that case belongs in prison for doing so.
And unfortunately earlier this year, during my practical placement for nursing, and I was failed on this placement, and one of the reasons given was basically that I 'wasn't enthusiastic enough' and 'too shy', and not to mention, the person assessing me also made a claim that was untrue and of course could not be substantiated. My fellow classmates when I spoke to them about it thought it was just crap, as I am normally a quiet person. The hospital is notorious for treating students badly, and university I was at was no better either, I was apparently meant to be doing classes this semester, or according to class mates, but according to the university I had to take leave until next year so I could redo the same unit.
Unfortunately those who were involved in my education for nursing have left me with pretty much no self-confidence to speak of, left me totally burned out, and I don't even know if I want to go back into nursing anymore, I'm currently studying design and I feel like I'm more respected and definitely being appreciated more for what I've been doing.
Definitely needs to be more done about bullying and other forms of vilification amongst adults, whether it be in the workplace, universities, or elsewhere. Should be research to give a good picture of the impact of such a phenomena, and ways in which to actually deal with this kind of sh*t!
And I'd best wrap this up.
Thanks for reading though Anette. Have a lovely day xo
Thank you for translating this Anette.
ReplyDeleteIt's sick! We are grown men and women, we should know better!
Reading this, I felt so sad. Sad for Oscar and Per-Johan and sad for that 53-year-old man who will never get his life back.
The bullying laws aren't strong enough. People think bullying is not that big of a deal. But they need to look at Per-Johan and Amanda Todd and realize that when people feel small, weak, trapped, and alone--someone is going to die.
If we could get stronger bullying laws, I think this problem would improve...
I feel helpless. I want to do something to change this problem--but I don't know what to do. Treat people kindly, of course, and if I see bullying in my workplace then I will stand up to the bully. But for people like Per-Johan and Oscar--how can I ever hope to help them? I don't know what to do...
This is horrible!
ReplyDeleteHow CAN human do things like this to each other? How CAN anybody be so cruel?
It makes me feel so helpless and useless. I mean, I cannot do anything against such things.
I wish it was possible to let the bullies feel what their victims felt.
Thanks a lot for translating the article!
Yeah,it is really sad :-(
ReplyDeleteAnd, Anette, I want to say a few words about those tasty muffins :-) I baked the muffins according to your recipe :-) And its really very-very tasty! My mom liked it! Thank you for easy,fast and practical recipe!
This is my variant ;-) I filled them the black chocolate and powdered sugar.
pic.twitter.com/HzFjQydN
To you all;
ReplyDeleteyeah, its plain horrible and also not as uncommon as we think. And its all about that people can't respect differences, need to use their power over others and trying to make everyone fit the group or you´re out. And if you are a person that have strong opinions that can also be a trigger. When I read that Per-Johans boss threatened him with a shot-gun I remember my first real work place where we were only young women and had one younger boss. He was such a bad manager that we all got to be fighting about everything and one girl threw me into the wall several times and she was much bigger and taller than me so I was no threat for her when it came to strength, but I did speak my mind and I guess that was enough to make me a big threat for her. Crazy and luckily I quit the job after some years. Hard to believe when entering the adult world that you´re gonna have to deal with these behaviors, which I thought was for children only. but as we can see, it´s not.
Hi nette.
DeleteIt's horrible that you've been bullied while working.. that's just awful.
I get bullied in school, and at home, so if I also would be bullied during my work... jeez. Don't even want to think of that..
Well, anyway, you're better now. And people should've known better, than bullying you, seeing where you are now.
You are a great person, and a huge inspiration for me.
Thanks for that.
I want to thank you, for doing what you're doing, and I hope you visit Holland once again.
Love,
Elize
Hello dear Anette, :)
Deletesorry for my bad english but I feel that I have talk about this terrible thing too.
Unfortunately I was a few times in situations like that. The first time was at school. and after that the vocational education wasn`t better. I felt so worthless and small. Everything I heard about me was negative and cruel.
My family tried to help me and told me "you`re good...and you`re not worthless." but it doesn`t worked.
Then I resign this job and was jobless for the next & months. I felt empty. But after this 6 months I said to myselt " you can`t go on like this. Something had to change.
And soon Nightwish and Queen music came into my life and i found a way out from this dark hole. This music gave me so much strength and peace. it`s incredible how strong music can be.
Today I know i`m not worthless and i know who I am. And i really try to help people who are in the same situation.
So thank you Anette. Because you are a big part of the reason that I am who I am.
Wish you a wonderful evening.
Good morning Anette!
ReplyDeleteI get so mad when I read this. I mean ... Well I told you about my mom ... And I have no words for the feelings in me. I mean these bullies are ADULTS. they are old enough to know what the things they say to each other can cause. Well, they should be old and intelligent enough but they seem to be not..
And about your first working place: they threw you into a wall?!
... Sometimes I wonder how cruel and brutal human beings can be.
Love Eva
Anette, I told You my story. For me, this period of work was terrible. I was suffering from psychologically but it is reflected on my body and I could not sleep, eat, I was losing my hair.I did not know what to do and who can help me. I survived this time but I'm still can't understend why that person who had to teach me and enter me to the company she hated me so much.
ReplyDeleteTake care, Magda
I also experienced bullying at work. One guy was nearly fired because I told the boss about it, but it got worse after some time. So I quit.
ReplyDeleteI think the main reason for this is that there a lot of people with adult bodies who did not grow up inside. Inside they remained teenagers. They do not reflect about themselves or their deeds and have no empathy in most cases. To make it all worse, they often do not have any self-confindence and try to feel better by bullying others.
Well it's our fault and the way we were brain washed. We were taught that is unpolite to fight back, remeber we were trained to sell our soul for less than a slurp of soup. In my actual work i had a lot of asholes above me and until certain point i can tolerate mistreating because of the nature of the work (i work for the electric company so you can imagine) and I have my way to make my work and my inmediate boss wanted me to be next to hime while he was reviewing data in other words wasting time, there was no reason for me to being there, so i always contradicted him because our work is dangerous and it has to be done carefuly but no, this guy complained to everyone except with me until the supervisor called me the atention very unpolitley and made sure everyone was there to see the humiliation, I was shocked, back then i was a newbie, and my work was brilliant and yet I was being insulted like i've done something wrong. So I've ommited to do a better work but i stood the fact that my work was dangerous and I must do it my way but ultimately I accepted the reprimand with humbleness. But that was the last time. Next time my boss uged me to hurry i just blew off and made sure everyone heard me saying "What tha hell, i cannot slipt in two, find someone else who can i am not a fucking machine". Later on I was transfered to a sepparated area wich is a different story i will continue tomorrow. Yet forgot to mention I had to stay till very late, do extra work until 3 am and had to go back to work at 8 and part of the atention calling was because i was leaving at scheduled, for the supervisor was mandatory to stay after work, excuse me i can go beyond my duties but i am not an ass kisser. Since then I just got used to confront everyone eve if it's the manager. There a point your inner health is affected, worse if you have hypertension. Screw you if the work has to be done by tomorrow, you will nor raise the tone of your voice to me. I don't give a dam if you don't pay me, if you treat me well i can clean toilets with my thounge all day long without protesting.
ReplyDeleteO by the way, in my previous work I had enough because the owner pissed me off so instead losing control i've quited right when I had to do a work early in the morning for a client who were kinda problematic, it is not my problem, find youselves another engineer. Another story to be continued tomorrow.
Anette: This girl threw you into a wall several times? F**king hell! If someone did the same for me I'd be charging them with assault....
ReplyDeleteCan't say I've given an awful lot of thought to the topic, certainly not in the realm of actual physical violence and intimidation in the work place. People deserve better than that though, everyone should be able to go to work without being stressed out over some tosser bullying them, or threatening them or actually assaulting them (so sorry to hear what you had to put up with).
As for differences, have to agree totally, people seem to feel threatened when they don't understand a person's differences, particularly if they stand out from a group.
This whole issue of bullying just needs to be where people stop dismissing it, not only do I think awareness needs to be raised, but also needs to be a very deep and complex evaluation of what does create such a perverse mindset where people tend to attack those who seem to be weaker, and even worse when it does happen fault being placed on the victim for 'standing out', or something else that may lead to others being nasty.
Take care Anette
xo
I tought it was a children issue too but aparently it happens with all ages, I never ever heard of a case like that here in Brazil but what can you expect from humans? I can understand actually about that because few years ago I was working at a concessionaire here selling parts and accessories for motorcycles but my first job was in a organization that helped women with cancer and other things so and when i started working ( was me, my superior, 2 girls that worked almost 1 year and a 5 months there and the boys ) I knew absolutely NOTHING³ about the job, I hate being dumb and not knowing stuff so I started studying the motorcycle, when i did not have any clients i went to the workshop to see the guys working in the motorcycle and also to ask question so I could be able to sell more and understand what i was selling, in 3 months I was kicking a**, i was selling a lot and my superior ( that became personal friend of mine ) trusted me in everything, she was teaching me what she knew because she was planing on leaving the job and she thought I was good to the job, she always talked about me to the big ones and to the owner of the company.. everybody liked me SO my lovely 2 other cool workers started saying that I was having sex with our manager, that everytime i went there to talk with the boys at the workshop i was flirting with them and even about my superior, that we were too friends and that was affecting the working place.. and since I like rock/ metal they joked with me calling me other things too like crazy, satanist, that i needed to go visit a mental hospital, i don't mind jokes at all but it was almost all thewhole time that i was there working.. i acted a little bit differente, i got full of that situation and told everything that i was holding inside me for 7 months.. we got into a big fight in the lunch time, i told i didn't have to have sex with anyone to be good at my work and i listened to rock because i'm not the kinda girl that like to listen to crap music and also don't like to dance half naked to call atention of boys and told them a lot of other ( not nice ) things too, and after that i called my superior and told her i was leaving the job!
ReplyDeleteI left my job because after all of these I didn't have ANY pleasure to do what I was doing.. So I thought it was better to leave then do something that I didn't want to do anymore, few months later they apologize to me :)
These people get into your mind so deeply that if you're not strong enough you WILL do something stupid, you can't think like ...ah adults, you can handle it, stop being coward but after all we all have feelings and should be carefull about what we say to people and with our jokes because you don't know how much you can hurt someone... everyone should live by the concept: you should not do to others what you do not want them to do to you, the world would be a happy place if that happens haha
Take care my lady and have a nice day! <3
Wow... thats so terrible and sad that adults cant even grow up enough to act mature. Makes me so mad....
ReplyDeleteAnd Im so sorry to hear it happened to you too... No one deserves to be treated like that.
Love and hugs.
I think this is much worse when these things happen among adults. Children are children, and they often maybe don't have enough life experience. But adults, they SHOULD know what's right and what's wrong. And what can they teach THEIR children if they bully others at work or wherever?
ReplyDeleteThat's a shame when such things happen and it's very sad.
Hey Anette *-*
ReplyDeletethis is true. mobbing is a verry explosive topic!
Have you seen the story from Amanda Todd?
this is the video which she made before her death: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ej7afkypUsc
this story is very touching.
I hope my english isn't so bad
Many greetings from Germany and I wish you a nice day :)
I miss your chant at Nightwish! <3
Hi Anette,
ReplyDeleteI got badly bullied in school AND work.
Afterall at work was even more horrible then at school. I got placed in another group after some personal problems and my mom getting suddenly sick and died within 3 months. My teamleader was asked to support me and I could talk when I needed. Sounds good.... well not. After some months she started bugging me with what I've told her and she told other collegues. Ignoring me for weeks or hasseling me for weeks, shouting, fighting and making fun of me. I don't know how I've survived all these years. It's been 4 years ago I've left there but I'm still having troubles. I don't trust anybody only my closest friends and family. But I ignore collegues and people I don't know really well.
My Ghost cupcakes didn't go well. After 2 days of baking my friend cancelled the party on friday, leaving me with 48 cupcakes... I've finished the tombstones which was difficult. Colouring the icing (black is most difficult) and writing the names on the cookies with icing still needs practicing.
Next time we'll meet I'll go for the Cookie Monster cupcakes, they're so cute.
So did you heard the story.. a 13 year old girl from Ireland killed herself because of bullying.. I just read it here on the Dutch news..
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing (and for taking the time to translate!).
ReplyDeleteAs I said,everybody believes that when it comes of the adult world,everyone's controlled and everything's just fine.That's not true.Being older than a teenager doesn't always equal being mature.
I had never heard of people taking their lives because of bullying going on AT WORK.So I was kind of shocked.How is it possible that nobody saw anything?How comes nobody reported the things that were happening?Why didn't anybody support Oscar?I understand taking his party would have meant taking a big risk,but Hell,he was being harrassed!He got threatened with a shot gun!That's real abuse,one can't just ignore that.
I hope things went this way because nobody at the place where he worked were actually informed about bullying.I feel like we need to get an actual 'What bullying is/Which forms it can take' campaign,because most times people simply don't know that what they're experiencing/facing/seeing is even bullying.
The second story,on the other hand,makes me get my hopes up a bit.I'm so glad he survived,because he's now someone we can look up to.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDalma:Hi! I will answer in English so everyone understands: I understand your point here and yes, I am also strong, maybe due to the bullying I´ve suffered but believe me, I would do anything to have those years being without bullying. I will never think it helped me in any way, it only gave me pain and suffering. So I don't agree with you, but I understand what you mean and we are all different and can manage life´s hardness differently. Take care now;=)
ReplyDeleteThedeadunicorn: Hi! I, for one, have seen so many so called adults acting like children, behaving like they are 15 years instead of almost 40 or 50 and its shocking for sure. Maybe some people never grow up and never gets to be an adult. Maybe they don´t have any empathy with others due to a miserable childhood. Who knows, but there are many adults acting really badly and I hope their children will never learn from their behavior.
Unknown: Thanks you for telling me about it. No swedish newspaper had written about it but found it from Belfast. Horrible and I put the article out for everyone to read.
ReplyDeleteDutchie: Hi!Thanks for sharing your story and I am so sorry to hear it;=( Its sad that someone tell things that are shared in confidence like that. Really bad! And sorry about the cancelled party;=( I hope you can put the cakes to the freezer or maybe give the kids coming for trick and treat?;=)
Liisaa: Hi! yes, I also put the video up here in the blog. Check here:http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8229922030664514644#editor/target=post;postID=7554111593713435485
Julia:I agree with you! Its really bad to know that adults do these things and whats even worse is if they are parents teaching their children this horrible behavior.
Hello dear Anette, :)
ReplyDeletesorry for my bad english but I feel that I have talk about this terrible thing too.
Unfortunately I was a few times in situations like that. The first time was at school. and after that the vocational education wasn`t better. I felt so worthless and small. Everything I heard about me was negative and cruel.
My family tried to help me and told me "you`re good...and you`re not worthless." but it doesn`t worked.
Then I resign this job and was jobless for the next & months. I felt empty. But after this 6 months I said to myselt " you can`t go on like this. Something had to change.
And soon Nightwish and Queen music came into my life and i found a way out from this dark hole. This music gave me so much strength and peace. it`s incredible how strong music can be.
Today I know i`m not worthless and i know who I am. And i really try to help people who are in the same situation.
So thank you Anette. Because you are a big part of the reason that I am who I am.
Wish you a wonderful evening.
Brianna; No, its really bad and sad to see grown up people act this way.
ReplyDeleteKaroline; Hi and thanks for telling your story. And wow, so horrible that they pulled the sex card on you. Thats also a common way of harassing someone (mainly women) by belittling you and say you only get a job by having sex to the boss and so on. Also many times women get harassed verbally by the male co-workers and I´ve seen a lot of it both in the music business and also when I was a secretary for years. I got emails that first started out quite innocent but all of a sudden were direct harassments and really nasty, When I told my manager he said he did that to every young woman in the office and I was shocked that he didn't get any reprimands at all. In the music business its also a rough way of speaking about women and sometimes its so bad that I wonder if these men even respect woman at all. One girl I know was harassed every single day by a man and were told to do various sexual things to him and others and when she said she had a boyfriend he said mean things to her and I told her to quit and she did. Luckily for her;=)
Nice to read that your co-workers said sorry to you later on;=)
Meghan: Yeah, she did that but at that time I just thought she was a crazy b*ch and had some issues with herself. But I was afraid many times cause she was much bigger than me;=)
And yeah, its something with some people wanting to feel power over others. I really believe that´s a big thing in this issue. Even managers in an office can be the worst bullies and many CEO´s are said to be narcissists and a narcissist is a person who always need to be right, glorify themselves, can't see others feelings and so on and if you have a CEO like that, or a manager, and don't do what they want and please their ways, they can be really mean towards you, like the case with Oscar. He complained about his situation and then his boss immediately took it as a personal insult and started the action to get him out of the company. Sad and if he only had taken it as constructive criticism instead, things could had been so different for Oscar.
Ricardo; you are right that we are taught to be kind and not fight back. Fit into the lines and if we don't, all hell break loose. I so understand that you had enough and good for you! I am also the one that do not tolerate any inpoliteness anymore, cause why should I accept being talked to in a bad way, no matter what money I earn. So I am like you, but it has also taken me many years to learn how to speak up and not take things and even now, at times, I bite my teeth for a while, but as you said, I feel so bad and need to get it out and afterwards I feel better. I think its important to know our value as humans, stand up for them and if someone mistreats you, get away. Cause otherwise we end up being sick or when it goes to far, leave everything, like we have read so many sad cases now.
ReplyDeleteDaniel; Yes, you are so right! Thats the case, I believe, in most cases. Adults who still are 14 inside and have never ever been told that they need to grow up or take the consequences for what they do. A pity! But they are quite easy to recognize too but if one is your boss the only thing can be to get away from them.
Magda; Yeah, it causes your body to go into a stress mode and as you say, you can get really ill from it!;=(
Eva: yeah, threw me into the wall a couple of different times. And it was a girl...
And yeah, its sad to see adult people behaving like this.
Elize: I am strong and can take a lot but of course I get sad as everyone else and sometimes I wish I could do more but the best thing is sometimes to be the better person and walk away. And like my mum says: the best way to treat a bully or mean person is to be totally listless towards them. Not showing you care at all;=)
Hey dear,
DeleteI know you're strong, and I love you for that.
I'm watching this soap, and there is this guy, who cheated on his wife, like a couple of times, they met his third son, he got with that woman he cheated with. Now the son he has with his actual wife is jealous, and (now comes the point) his dad is bullying.him. Being really mean, and ignoring him.
Of course it's a soap, but the fact that they put it in there, is also a sign that that happens a lot. It shocks me, although, of course because otherwise my parents will think I'm mad, I don't show it. I really think that there needs to be more attention to bullying, also around families.
I don't know of you was able to follow it, since I'm doing a thousand things at the same time... (watching that soap, doing my homework, being on my phone, drinking tea eating a chocolate cookie...) hahaha
Well, nice evening.
Xx
Alina; Hi! Thanks for the photo, they look delicious;=) Yum!!
ReplyDeleteBetty Blue: Hi! yes, it is horrible and also hard since it´s among adult people and if you complain you can be called an "uncomfortable" person and they can think its YOU who are the problem, so its a very difficult spiral to get out from, if you do not change your job.
Rose: I believe we are doing something by just talking about it here and discussing and also stating that WE do not accept this behavior. I also always encourage courage in everyone to stand up against someone saying mean things to someone or harassing someone. It´s sometimes as easy as to say: what you just said to NN was way out of line and not fun at all. Cause I believe that sometimes we don't realize that a "joke" we make towards someone can be taken really bad by the receiver and if we then let it happen over and over again, we are just like the bully, whether we realize it or not. Joking behind someones back is also harassment and even if you just laugh at what someone said cause you don't want to say anything against them, you are also a bully. To not say stop is to encourage it. Take care;=)
Meghan; Thanks for telling your story and I am so sad to read that they made you feel as if you do not want to continue with nursing;=( I think its so sad that they can't realize that we are all entitled to do a job, even if you are shy or not so forward. A nurse for me is a person caring of others, willing to help people and also a good listener, so you would be perfect in my eyes. But if you feel design is better, you should do that;=) only you know whats best for you;=)
Unknown; I get so sad to hear your story and as you say, why is it the person who is the victim who should have to be moved? Its just so wrong and I get angry when hearing it! I really hope you will get a better working situation and that things get better for you. Lots of strengthening hugs!;=)
linnea Maria: I think a big problem is exactly what you say: lack of respect that we are all different. We all have strengths and things to give to our jobs and companies so instead of seeing that someone is different or is doing things in another way and wanting that person to either form into the ways of the group, or get that person out from the group/working place, we should see that persons strengths and accept that we all can have different roles and ways of leading the company forward. Cause if we don't have differences we do not grow and in a group its important to evolve or the group will stop and never coming forward and no new ideas will be formed. Also, its important if there´s a new person in the working group to open up and let that person in to the group. And to show the person the norms of the group but also adapting the new persons norms to be able to form a new and growing group. If we can do this, we can be a strong team to count on instead of a group that can't work together and having people feeling as an outsider.
OK first of all, please excuse what is going to be a rant, but I feel the need to say some things which I think we should be discussing more in depth with regards to this topic.
ReplyDeleteParticularly with regards to this topic, we need to absolutely address the pathology of not only the bullies themselves, but the society that allows this, and in doing so is very much biased against the victim, which is applicable in things outside of bullying, I mean just look at issues such as discrimination, and even violent crimes carried out against particular groups of people. To carry on with my point, for different examples, crap like placing fault on the person who is being victimised, which I believe is partially due to victims being seen as 'weak', but of course in some instances there are underlying prejudices in the initial victimisation, which can be intertwined with other issues such as sexism, racism, homophobia and classism, but I'm not going to dwell on that too much for now though.
As a whole we really need to examine the psychological pathology of a society that not only allows people to get away with bullying/victimising with little to no negative consequences for their actions, yet the victims, whether or not they actually speak out , seem to suffer more negative consequences, as victims are seemingly portrayed as 'weak', they often have partial or total fault placed on them for their own victimisation.
We can keep talking about this issue, but just in my own opinion, I think it is absolutely vital that we do try to understand the underlying issues which are do drive people to act in such a way towards others, as well as trying to understand the lack of empathy many people seem to have towards the issue, only when we really understand this issue do I think can we really start to really deal with this issue and to break out of this construct of it being seen as normal,and of course not to mention the same needs to be done with combating prejudices and just allowing things such as racism, sexism, homophobia and other prejudices to just die out already and allow all people to just be how they are normally without the fear of being harassed or victimised by others.
End of that rant now.
Anette: definitely sounds like that woman had some issues, particularly if she was acting violently towards you....
Too often in too many areas there are people who just want to feel power over someone else. Managers seem to be particularly notorious in some areas, as they are very well able to use their power as a superior to coerce those who work under them with the threat of making their work life a hell of a lot harder. CEO's had to be pretty ruthless to get there in the first place, do definitely no shock there. As for narcissist, unfortunately I've heard some absolutely horrifying sh*t about them. Unfortunately too many managers may get a hair up their butt about something minor and than take out frustrations on someone who has complained about something in their situation, as with Oscar, instead of just taking the constructive criticism and possibly negotiating with Oscar a middle ground where both are comfortable.
Unfortunately it was a hospital with a bad reputation with students, and a crap university who were more concerned with me having to pay more fees than actually passing my classes. I'm in a position where I'm very much pressured to finish my degree, but I am hoping I can also get a certificate in design so I can do that, but possibly have nursing to fall back on, and designing is definitely a lot of fun for me, and I keep getting told I'm damn good at it :D
Thanks for reading what I've said Anette :)
xo
Complain about it to your partens and the way they answer to you will be not nice, not implying that your parents are not nice but the answer would be something like "Do you think you are the only one with the problem? Put yourself in the situation of your boss". Well if my parents had to deal with it is not my problem, they need the money but we need the respect, my favourite prhase "don't bring me troubles, bring me solutions". Maybe adverse situations demands desperate solutions just like in my prior job my boss told "imagine yourself in England during WWII, especially if you were a british soldier or something, what would you do, just give up?" Well, my answer was something like "You are not Winston CHurchill, you are a fucking idiot, and that it is a live or death situation and under those cirmcumstanses or you act with compassion like CHurchil or act by terror like Stalin". Bullying is necesary when training the troops because your life depends on it but even the most valiant can suffer combat stress. So going back to peace time, if your life is not in risk what is the problem? And you will see a lot of bullying inside a Hospital, belive me, i worked in one and delicate situations shouldn't be handled with people who lose control. Yelling a nurse for doing something like leting tools fall to the floor (wich happens all the time) will break their spirit and the nurse will get use to lie just to avoid the bullying, I've seen it, and inside a hospital that is dangerous, nobody takes responsability. That is why I urge people to be as healthy as posible, hospitals are dangerous, it happens here, happens everywhere.
DeleteWhat makes me sick is when very capable people use their skills as an excuse to make you look like an idiot or when superiors think clerks are not capable or when they think the system is so perfect that you cannot do your job because a failure, but no, the system cannot fail, it is you the one being stupid and lazy. For a long time i've spent time putting people in their places but getting angry does not solve the problem, so now i just limit to do my work, if someone says i am to slow well i just respond "give it to someone else", if they give more work over my capacity ok I do it but if kindess drops i just respond "i cannot split in two", just that simple. Most people donnot dare to respond that way.